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標題: Married couple observation [打印本頁]

作者: SmellyTofu 時間: 2008-5-5 05:03 標題: Married couple observation

I'm at an age where many of my friends are married... now I hear all the time that one partner doesn't want to do things the other partner is doing... well, a few of my friends I really worry about because I'm just afraid that their personality are total opposites to each other. E.g. one is an introvert and the other is an extrovert. Extremes yet one is willing to give it all up.. not some middle ground... and be content with carrying on. I'm like.. what the?? can't be opposite ends forever can u??? because my friend will appear to my other friends to be a single father if every gathering I organise with friends, he only comes with his daughter... even though the mother might be going shopping, staying home or being with her sister who seems to be the only person she interacts with...

What do you guys think? Am I right or am I just reading it into something too deep?

作者: slamdunk6 時間: 2008-5-5 07:29

different couples have different ways of maintaining their relationship, the side you see could be one of their many sides.

some couple they pretend like a harmony couple in front of friends, and they beat the living hell out of each other at home

opposite personality being together sometimes is a good thing, which they have less time to face each other, which means less conflicts

in your case, maybe his wife doesn't like your gathering? that's why she doesn't come

作者: shutterbug 時間: 2008-5-5 09:38

If a couple does things individually most of the time, then there WILL be problems in the long term. It's hard to maintain a good relationship that way. All couples, in order to have a good relationship, need to spend time together.

作者: myversa 時間: 2008-5-5 09:51

He should try to ask his wife why she does no tlike their gathering. She might just want to be alone with her family member.

I found out from my wife that even a couple should spend much time together but they need time for themself. My wife alway wanted time to chat with her so called friends, to play games or to watch tv series. I always complained to her but I gave up eventurally. You cannot force your partner to do something she/he does not want to do.

作者: snowtree 時間: 2008-5-5 11:39

The wife doesn't go to the garthering doesn't mean she doesn't spend time with her husband and daughter, I don't really see a problem if the wife doesn't like ur garthering

作者: SmellyTofu 時間: 2008-5-5 12:03

I'm just worried that my fd's wife has post natal depression though I haven't directly asked my fd about it.. that's all.... but I know my fd is a little frustrated with it.

She seems to only either stay at home (housewife at the moment looking after the little one) or interact only with her sister.... the gatherings also have mothers or expecting mothers.... so it's not like just a bunch of singles/couples/married-without-kids and we don't go crazy (I'm pretty conservative when it comes to doing crazy stuff at gatherings). Most of the girls that come just play with the kids or chit chat over a meal.

作者: zuesel 時間: 2008-5-5 12:07

I am getting married next month. All the things you mentioned are all in my mind....plus 10 times more such as having kids or not....

so mah fan!

作者: SmellyTofu 時間: 2008-5-5 13:22

Don't get me wrong.. marriage & kids are I think one of those things in life that's really amazing.. I have done neither but I'm back on my feet plugging away towards it so don't let what I'm saying put you off them.

作者: fibbi 時間: 2008-5-5 13:30

Some people may not like socializing with big group. So I guess maybe she's one of those "types". Just not socializing w/ husband's friend may not be that big a deal. But if they don't go to have some common hobby or activities, that's more likely a problem....

作者: Alcoholic 時間: 2008-5-5 18:23

che~ my hubby and i have COMPLETELY different hobbies. so what's the problem? we socialize with each other's friends, we do things together or with each other friends. but when it comes to hobby... you can't force it, and we're happy for our differences.
- if he's reading, it's not like i'll get a book & read together quietly
- if he's going to watch a movie that i'm really not interested in, then i'll just ask him to go alone or find some friends or find my siblings to go with him
- if i'm hitting a strip club with my Twin & friends, & go drink/fish afterwards, it's not like he'll join.
if you can't accept each other's differences & respect each other's hobbies, then why the fcuk bother getting married right?
besides, there are many reasons for the wife not showing up at the gatherings. women FEELS stuff. if she doesn't feeling like going, for different reasons each time, then too bad. alot of C9's ask my mom to go gathering la. whether my mom is free or not, she doesnt like chillin with those C9's because it's so loud & so ma-fan, so many drama, & rumors. so... my mom just interact with my aunt, or 5 other different aunties. no problem with that ga wor.

作者: Ultraman 時間: 2008-5-5 19:20

Every couple is unique. They don't have a standard marriage life that all the outsiders agree to be normal. Even we might not understand, they'll have their own way to survive........ unless they don't want to.

作者: pepsis2 時間: 2008-5-5 19:53

I can't see the problem of not joining your partner own group of gathering....
girls have girls nite even when they're old enough to be a granny...
guys have hockey nite or sth...
if your group is all family type gathering.. but maybe there's somebody in the group like to gossip or something so ur fd wife avoid it le... u never know the truth behind...

so don't try to be the judge

作者: zuesel 時間: 2008-5-8 10:11

原帖由 Ultraman 於 2008-5-5 19:20 發表
Every couple is unique. They don't have a standard marriage life that all the outsiders agree to be normal. Even we might not understand, they'll have their own way to survive........ unless they don' ...

I agree! What's considered normal for a couple isn't a "standard" for everyone else. The key point is communication between each couple. There isn't a right or wrong way just a way that works!

作者: Catpiano 時間: 2008-5-8 19:17

A  man is a man .  a woman is a woman ..  never change la..

Like my wife and I .. when we go out ..  since she is a woman ..  so for sure will go best buy ..  future shop .. memory express .. etc for looking at computer stuff ..  I mean .. who cares?  as long as I can turn on my computer, send and receive email .. I am fine ..

For me ..  I will jump to clothing store first ..  if in HK .. also look at watches, etc .. and I like to go to some camera store, and my wife won't.

At home, I spend most the time watching hockey .. and she spend most the time watching japanese TV  and taiwanese TV ( I will watch Japanese TV with her ..  taiwanese one .. um ..  not my cup of tea, beside the show " QUEEN " take about fashion and make up. )

Of course, most the toys/dolls/comic etc at our home .. are MINE ..  she can't touch them!

Good thing is .. lately, she bought those big IRONING machine .. so she is into ironing .. I dont hv to do most the ironing part ..

well .. can't expect too much! men and women are so diff la !

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