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標題: 點勸父母離婚? [打印本頁]

作者: 匿名 時間: 2008-12-15 20:06 標題: 點勸父母離婚?

Argue 情況越黎越嚴重, 一星期嘈幾次。一聽到他們的拗撬聲就頭暈(真係頭暈)。次次都係我老豆start the arguement. 我已經好醒﹐要求100 分, 我就做夠120分, 讓他無機會發圍。他扭計玩野唔做想辣著我老母聊交鬧。OK, 你唔做我咪做快D。但我老母又唔得醒, 成日俾位他入, 我又執他手尾。我已經唔介意泄底, 犧生了婚姻, 犧生正常社交, 無朋友, 一個月做足 204 粒鍾甚至更多。幸福開心我真係唔敢奢望, 我只希望大家和和氣氣, 似返個家。但他倆真係唔爭氣, 唔生性。我真係明白痕鐵不成鋼既感覺。上個禮拜我要去睇精神科。但醫生話我無事, 唔洗食藥。綜合各種起因係份工問題。他建議我辭工。初時我覺得無可能, 我唔做就接得。而家就要認真巧慮。再係0甘樣唔係辦法, 兩個選擇, 一係叫他倆離婚, 一係我走。。我真係好累。。

作者: KY+NY 時間: 2008-12-15 20:24

真係慘... 唔好唔開心啦.. 其實婚姻,感情真的係兩個人0既事,第三者真的幫不了D咩但又講,世間有邊個父母係唔錫自己仔女0既,不如伱試下企出來平心靜氣同佢0地講"伱0地0既問題真的影響到我了...",睇下佢0地咩反映先咯

作者: goldie 時間: 2008-12-15 20:29

係呀，話俾佢地聽，你正在睇精神科，
希望佢地會反省。

作者: 匿名 時間: 2008-12-15 20:32

有D 人係"親生仔不如近身錢" 主義者。
我隱約覺得我老豆幾享受0個種大家無計傾, 各自各食飯, 大家西口西面既感覺。鬧交呢家野他真係樂此不疲。融洽真係唔適合他。

作者: ATGB 時間: 2008-12-15 20:35

Well I was in a similar situation. I do feel your pain, but fortunately I have a significantly other there to support me. I avoided going home and spent most of my energy at work and with my other half instead. I lived through the storm and now things are getting better these days. You have to remember that even though they are being ridiculous, they are still your parents. If you move out, things might just get worse. You need to talk to them individually and find out the source of the problem. You might want to guide them to see marriage councilors. It's not up to you to decide whether they should divorce. They can very well still love each other very much even though they argue everyday. I know how you feel, you are just trying to escape from the situation, but that's not the answer.

作者: KY+NY 時間: 2008-12-15 20:40

原帖由 Anonymous 於 2008-12-15 21:32 發表
有D 人係"親生仔不如近身錢" 主義者。
我隱約覺得我老豆幾享受0個種大家無計傾, 各自各食飯, 大家西口西面既感覺。鬧交呢家野他真係樂此不疲。融洽真係唔適合他。 ...

哇咁都得真係第一次0係現實聽聞(以前真係以為0係"溏心風暴"先有)
既然係咁咁樣0既老豆咁樣0既家庭伱仲想唔想維持先
俾我我會再睇下我媽咪係咩意見如果佢同老豆係一樣0既錢錢錢主義者咁我就...

作者: 匿名 時間: 2008-12-15 21:34

好多謝 ATGB 的意見
我想了很久, 我諗都係因為一個錢字為導火線, 我和父母在時代坊market 經營小生意, 3 餐算係溫飽。由於我媽睇錢比較緊D, 所以出糧都係像徵式, 所以我老豆條氣就唔算, 所以成日起衝突。呢個問題係我控制唔到。
KY+NY
其實我父母都係好人...但兩個真係績怨太深。我細細個他們已經成日鬧交﹐仲有幾次親眼睇到我老豆用拳頭打到我老母喊。而家仲瀝瀝在目。

作者: 匿名 時間: 2008-12-15 21:40

I know how you feel. I have passed the similar situation before.

I cried a lot. even tho they divorced, I still cried a lot. friends of mine were asking me to consult a doctor... I am okay now. You can go throught it.

作者: bearbear 時間: 2008-12-15 22:55

我父母離咗婚, 係因為大家價值觀唔同, 同埋對錢銀太自私. 有無諗過其實分開可能係件好事?

作者: 小叻 時間: 2008-12-15 23:03

I am surprised that I am not the only one... My parents always argue... my dad said i am not his daughter.. after 2x yrs.. my mom suicided in Sept.. coz my dad wants to go back to hk and worry free.. they give birth babies in Canada in their 40's... my young bro and sis are abt 16 yrs younger than me.. until i grow older.. i know why my parents dun like me (my dad thinks i was not his daughter and my mom didnt approve anything).. i was beaten to grow up.. while i am in high school and at U.. my mom always yelled at me.. no matter how good i did.. i do all housework.. starting from washing dishes to raising up my young bro and sis.. i even change diapers.. while at school.. i work 40+ hrs + full time studies + housework.. but my parents still dun like me.. my dad throw things at me when he is pissed at me.. my mom will just keep yelling at me. all day. i need to go home before 6pm if no work.. i hate them yelling at me.. so i go to school early..and work till midnight.. when come home.. all day dishes left for me to wash... laundry.. garbages..etc... i didnt complain.. they yell at my marks.. saying i only play not study..but i was working..not playing.. i gave all my money to my parents when i was at school..lend student loans.. and i am still repaying stu loans now.. they are still not satisfied... i went to UBC hospital when i was at U.. I was classified at urgent patient,,, high tendency of suicide.. but they dun care..after i grad.. things get a bit better.. but now my parent argue all day.. in front of my young bro and sis (one is 9 and one is 7).. argue with knives too.. they acts like drama.. my dad spent money like crazy... no money..borrow money to buy stocks..no money,.. buy a new car.. no money.. go to vacations..
he thinks that he has worked enough.. so he now work around 32 - 40 hrs per week.. not enough money to support a big family (with 4 children) ..that's y he wants to go away.. and left the **** behind.. my mom.. can't live w/o my dad.... my dad wants to leave..trying to find excuse to divorce.. did a blood test of my youngest bro.. luckily the blood test show my young bro is his son.. and i dunno what next.. i hate my family.. but what can I do.. to support or to leave... all i want is a happy family..no argue when i come back home..but this is not easy.. when i see other have good dad and good mom.. i always talk to myself..why my family so ****.. why my life is this harsh.. i always think of suicide..but what keep me living is my bf now.. but i dunno how long can I stand..

作者: 小叻 時間: 2008-12-15 23:05

原帖由小叻於 15-12-2008 23:03 發表
I am surprised that I am not the only one... My parents always argue... my dad said i am not his daughter.. after 2x yrs.. my mom suicided in Sept.. coz my dad wants to go back to hk and worry free.. ...

CORRECTION: my mom tried to suicide in Sept...she is still alive.. after 1 day stay in hospital..

作者: chocoWinCY 時間: 2008-12-15 23:25

it's really "家家有体難唸的經"

i thought mine was kinda bad..but apparently many ppl have worse situation than mine...i seriously think that my parents need to open up and talk about their problems...my dad refused...so he only nags me about my mom and my bro...on the other hand, there are things i can't tell my dad that i know about my mom...i am always in the middle...it drove me nuts sometimes....i actually suggested to my dad that they should go for marriage counselling...but it seems to me that old ppl don't buy this idea....i seriously think that they should open up and talk and listen to the other person...aigh....they kinda ruined my dream about marriage....

作者: ravemother 時間: 2008-12-15 23:26

after reading all your stories, i really think i should cherish my family.
"every family has a bible that is hard to read"

don't you guys give up...suicide/run away is not a solution.

作者: Littleprince 時間: 2008-12-15 23:49

小叻﹕

對你的遭遇感到很遺憾﹐希望你可以堅強一點

有需要應該找朋友傾下﹐唔好諗埋一邊呀。。。

作者: Littleprince 時間: 2008-12-16 00:03

答返樓主﹐你想勸父母離婚我覺得很難﹐正如你說﹐他們已經習慣了這樣的生活﹐唔拗交可能反為唔慣呢﹐呢D可能就系他們的溝通方式。。。
我反而想勸你唔好太上心﹐我擔心的是你的身體﹐必要時勸他們去看輔導員。。。而你自己則應該恢復正常社交及生活﹐必要時搬開住喇。。。

作者: CWong 時間: 2008-12-16 01:37

先叫你老豆睇精神科医生，再去見心理同婚姻导！

作者: yayaya 時間: 2008-12-16 03:11

搬開住咪得咯，理鬼得距地

作者: yayaya 時間: 2008-12-16 03:13

而且有交吵唔係幾好咩，最怕無交吵，吵下先有激情掛

作者: MyOMy 時間: 2008-12-16 08:32

原帖由 ravemother 於 2008-12-16 00:26 發表
after reading all your stories, i really think i should cherish my family.
"every family has a bible that is hard to read"

don't you guys give up...suicide/run away is not a solution.

Rave, runaway is an option, it may not be a good one. Subconsciously, you know you can handle the pressure, you runaway to keep your sanity.

作者: siumaibb 時間: 2008-12-16 09:27

feel sorry for you guys, seek help from consultants or social workers, they are there for a reason.

作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-2-8 21:25

Update 一下。最近無嘈, 但我就無時無刻都驚下一秒又再嘈。而我真係怨氣好重, 而且感覺自己入了一條窟頭巷, 30 都黎緊, 真係前路茫茫。
如果唔係聽他們老點, 而家可能有自己屋企。情況一定完全唔同

作者: Toppy 時間: 2009-2-8 21:34

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作者: Ultraman 時間: 2009-2-8 21:35

There is no 100% perfect couple in this world anyways. Argument might not the only reason leads to divorce. Every couple has their own way to live and survive.
Being their child and at the age near 30, you better plan for your own future rather than just blaming your parents this and that, or else you'll probably do the same thing when you're 40.

作者: Toppy 時間: 2009-2-8 21:38

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作者: Toppy 時間: 2009-2-8 21:39

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作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-2-8 21:47

我中學畢業就跟他們所謂的"做生意"。我的主要工作就係同D 客soical 和令到他們肯俾錢買野。初時都諗住都係我take over, 乜都無所謂, 但越黎越唔對路, 他們乜柒都唔識, 計成本又唔識, 點做人又唔識。浪費了我最寶貴的10 年光陰。一家人唔緊要啦, 但成日家嘈屋閉。我細佬妹乜都唔做, un un 腳等分身家。沒有特別技能, 我如何plan my own future.

作者: Toppy 時間: 2009-2-8 21:50

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作者: Toppy 時間: 2009-2-8 21:53

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作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-2-8 22:00

他們在香港都係做生意, 唔好睇他們係草根, 兩個年薪加埋幾百萬。
但我老豆移民前已經就將成副身家輸晒, 好彩他們財政獨立, 如果唔係要訓街。所以我老母對錢睇得好緊。
錢並唔係主要問題。問題兩老成日嘈, 嘈, 嘈..導火線可以係莫需有, 看我老豆心情。想跳樓, 又唔夠薑。我真係唔死都無用。

作者: Toppy 時間: 2009-2-8 22:06

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作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-2-8 22:16

Argue 乜, 乜都可以argue。我舉個例, 收銀機唔夠散紙可以小成日。呢D 係唔正常的行為, 所以我無謂再深入探討。在香港都係成日嘈..唔止嘈, 仲會打交。所以我地幾兄妹都係在不健康家庭環境下長大。

作者: Toppy 時間: 2009-2-8 22:29

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作者: Ultraman 時間: 2009-2-8 22:45

原帖由 Anonymous 於 2009-2-8 21:47 發表
我中學畢業就跟他們所謂的"做生意"。我的主要工作就係同D 客soical 和令到他們肯俾錢買野。初時都諗住都係我take over, 乜都無所謂, 但越黎越唔對路, 他們乜柒都唔識, 計成本又唔識, 點做人又唔識。浪費了我最寶貴 ...

Sounds like among your whole family, you know things the best and have most knowledge. Then, you should be capable to handle the business by your own, or at least you can direct them what to do in order to build up better business.
Don't blame your family/parents that how much time you've "wasted" (spent) in the family, ask how much time your family has "wasted" (spent) on you! What did you achieve? No doubt, your family should have able to provide all you need before you grown up. But since you're an adult (and actually come near 30), ask yourself what can you bring to the family and help the business and help the younger siblings?

How many people out there don't have a family business, not even a job, don't they still working hard for their lives? You said you want to jump down from a building?!

作者: mcjohnjohn 時間: 2009-2-8 22:50

原帖由 Ultraman 於 2009-2-9 14:45 發表
Sounds like among your whole family, you know things the best and have most knowledge. Then, you should be capable to handle the business by your own, or at least you can direct them what to do in order to build up better business.
Don't blame your family/parents that how much time you've "wasted" (spent) in the family, ask how much time your family has "wasted" (spent) on you! What did you achieve? No doubt, your family should have able to provide all you need before you grown up. But since you're an adult (and actually come near 30), ask yourself what can you bring to the family and help the business and help the younger siblings?

How many people out there don't have a family business, not even a job, don't they still working hard for their lives? You said you want to jump down from a building?!

認同~
而家好多人睇野都只會以自己為中心, 忘記要o係別人既角度去睇一件事.
當然, 家家有本難念的經, 而且小弟都冇權去批判匿名小姐既家事, 但小弟睇完此thread 就有以上既感覺.

作者: myversa 時間: 2009-2-10 10:12

原帖由 Toppy 於 2009-2-8 23:29 發表

Normally people don't want to argue ... unless that's the way they communicate to each other? (nothing wrong with that, btw)

What is the "higher reason" they want to argue with each other? They a ...

If people arguing with each other every day and every time they see each other, it's not a big problem? You only did that when you are not happy with that person so you try to pick even the smallest thing to fight.

My parents are like that so I can understand. My mom really dislikes my dad so she would criticize him everything he does. You might not find it is problem if you are the one fighting but if you are the third party living in the same household, you would be very annoyed. (just like you and other here in Loyaukee)

作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-2-10 10:28

How much time my family wasted on me? 他們月入幾萬。而我就有$910。有時仲拖我半年糧。衣, 食, 行我自己俾錢。諗諗下我真係一個仆街仔, 要父母出糧$910。應該就乜都我做晒, 錢就他們袋晒。他們想退休我就掘個窿埋左自己。係啵..點解之前諗唔到。真係當頭棒喝。多謝

作者: MyOMy 時間: 2009-2-10 10:34

嘩, 你仲係度周來轉去, 我以為你較咗腳添。又唔係叫你同佢哋脱离关係, 叫你獨立揾工自己生活之嘛。 For your own SANITY, do something.

作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-2-10 10:38

仲有我要補充。有次就係禮拜日, 非常多人, 我兩點幾先食飯。但係他兩老又嘈, 另願做show 俾街外人睇都唔招呼D 客。我就飯都唔食一個打十幾個。他們就繼續嘈。我真係扯晒火, 又要禁住到火招呼客人。點解他們0甘唔生性。知唔知乜叫崩潰。我感覺到好頭暈, 手好震。之後我就要睇精神科。遲D 要驗埋腦。Ultraman覺得我接近30歲,仲要依靠父母,已經先入為主當我係仆街仔。我多謝你的回復。

作者: bearbear 時間: 2009-2-10 10:39

加油呀你!! 識多啲朋友,等佢地幫下你,比D意見你啦。
我最憎自私既父母。

作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-2-10 10:48

MyoMy
我試過劈炮, 過2個禮拜又話我老豆要返香港, 幫幫手頂住兩個月。OK, 我老豆返黎, 我老母又返去。竊低D幫幫手1個月。之後就扮無野計續叫你做, 我當時心情已經平復。都無計較。我五月就叫他們放過我, 我做唔落去, 每個月俾返一千做家用。

作者: MyOMy 時間: 2009-2-10 10:58

總之, 你講得出离同啊陌生討論, 我啉你都到咗 Short 嘅臨介点, 幾時爆就唔知。你都係行開吓好啲，你都可以番香港啫, 玩又好, For good 又好。

作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-2-10 11:09

MyoMy
好彩你0係forum同我講, 你兜口兜面0甘同我講我就即刻開你拖。
點都好, 多謝你既意見

作者: Ultraman 時間: 2009-2-10 13:16

原帖由 Anonymous 於 2009-2-10 10:38 發表
仲有我要補充。有次就係禮拜日, 非常多人, 我兩點幾先食飯。但係他兩老又嘈, 另願做show 俾街外人睇都唔招呼D 客。我就飯都唔食一個打十幾個。他們就繼續嘈。我真係扯晒火, 又要禁住到火招呼客人。點解他們0甘唔生性。知唔知乜叫崩潰。我感覺到好頭暈, 手好震。之後我就要睇精神科。遲D 要驗埋腦。Ultraman覺得我接近30歲,仲要依靠父母,已經先入為主當我係仆街仔。我多謝你的回復。

I think you misunderstood me.
I never mean you're 接近30歲仲要依靠父母 is a problem. (actually it is not!) The problem is, you get lost about your target and future and seems like you don't know what you're doing for the moment. If you think you have been working hard for the family but turn out they didn't treat you well enough, go talk to them. Just whining here won't help anything. If you feel very disappointed with your family business, you can step out and try to find a job your own.
Yes, I think it is feasible to work out like that. What do you think?

作者: giginium 時間: 2009-2-10 13:58

I think you should take out some courage and resolve to take some action, whether that may be leaving the family business or sitting down and having a good talk with them. I do also see that you are on the verge of a mental breakdown. If you cannot save your parents, save at least yourself. Hanging around in such an unhealthy environment does nobody good, least to yourself. You seem to have some perspective on this situation. Sometimes it just takes one forward step to be change the situation.

good luck and continue to update us.

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