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標題: Passion dies down [打印本頁]

作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-4-9 20:02 標題: Passion dies down

I've been dating my guy for over 7 nows and we are both in our mid-20s. he's one year older than me. lately his passion for me seems to be pretty dead. he claims it's because of being busy and tired.

i don't know. i really don't know. i don't believe that he has another girl or starting to see another girl.

he hardly holds my hand when we are out. he rarely hug and kiss me except during sex. he throws temper tantrums at me even though it's other people who did things and annoyed him. he almost never calls me back.

and of course we talked about the marriage issue. he does not want to get married until around 30, which means i'll be 29. i find it kind of late and he wouldn't back down the age. at some point he agreed to 28, but later on he said i forced him to agree, which totally breaks my heart.

years ago he spoiled me rotton. as the years go by of course it gets less and less, and i became a much better and mature girl friend. not only he does not appreciate that but when i asked if i am a good girl friend and ask for appreciation he gets mad.

we had several break ups over the years, one or two very serious ones. then other guys would go after me during those periods and he would want me back.

when things are fine he does treat me very well. but even the slightest disagreement he would start yelling at me and i would always have to apologize regardless. when i refuse he would refuse to talk to me. doesn't seem to bother him at all. right now i have absolutely no say in our relationship and it's killing me. of course i want to leave. but when things are okay he can be very sweet and we get along very well.

and of course he claims that he still loves me.

someone tell me what to do and what to think. it hurts too much to know what to do now.

作者: goldie 時間: 2009-4-9 21:52

time to chill la
he does not love you crazy anymore

作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-4-9 23:07

just now, he yelled at me because i wouldn't give him an item in a game that we play. when i did in the end he called me selfish. i already told him in the future whenever i come across this item i will give it to him and it still doesnt satisfy him. just over a f**king game. he yells at me to tell me to shut up and then he rambles on and on, and tell me to shut up again when i talk...... but when i don't answer him it's my fault again......

damned if i do damned if i dont...

every opportunity he gets he throws a temper tantrum at me. i really don't know if this is called love anymore. it breaks me up all shattered inside.

作者: tofu 時間: 2009-4-9 23:07

"""he does not love you crazy anymore"""
-agree, but it doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore.

do you force/request him to promise a lot of things? what is his reason to get marry in age 30 ar? age 30 sounds reasonable wor? do you need a lot of attention?

""when i asked if i am a good girl friend and ask for appreciation he gets mad""
how often do you do that, once a while is sweet, but too often become ignoring. what kind of appreciation do you request ar?

作者: goldie 時間: 2009-4-9 23:25

A 30-yr old man who throws temper tantrums at his GF?
He must either be very immature,
or he is facing a very difficult time in his work or something.

作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-4-9 23:28

my period is irregular and it's hard for me to conceive, so i want to get married earlier. especially he is like長子嫡孫 in the family and the family is conservative so i've been worried for not being able to have kids, and getting married later doesn't help. he wants kids too.

i don't ask very often. the first time i brought up that topic he got mad.

everything makes him get mad. even an item in the game. and when i get mad over something he does i'm being controlling. when i asked if i can have some say in arguments he gets even more mad and he will just demand me to shut up again. can't even talk.

作者: goldie 時間: 2009-4-9 23:31

Sounds like he has an abusive personality
He needs help

作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-4-9 23:37

no he's in his mid-20s, so am i.

he used to be not like that. at first i thought it was stress from school and work. now i think he got used to it. to him i keep coming back anyway...

作者: chocolatebean 時間: 2009-4-9 23:41

本帖最後由 chocolatebean 於 2009-4-10 00:44 編輯

I think he just takes you for granted, since no matter how bad he treats you, you still go back to him....just like some of my guy fds said,does not matter how hot the girl is, when time passed, they get bored...

作者: shock28 時間: 2009-4-10 00:19

本帖最後由 shock28 於 2009-4-10 01:28 編輯

your bf is just like the old me no kidding, almost the same included the game part as i did get mad at my xgf because she wasted my game money to buy useless stuff in World of Warcraft. Anyway, my suggestion to you is to dump him for real for AT LEAST 2 to 3 MONTHs and NO CONTACT AT ALL, let him cooldown within those time, let him talk to ppl, if you guys still get together after that period, then he will treat you differently for sure. Break up for few days or 2 weeks doesnt help the problem. Because I also broke up with my xgf for like a week before that then I chased her back without any changes made. Specially if you give him chance to talk to you after break up, then it will not help in anyway, you will need to ignore him totally within that period. Don't tell him why you dump him and let him think over and he will know why in time.

作者: 吳孟達 時間: 2009-4-10 11:54

If you guys get married....will he do the same thing to you?
Marriage is a long term commitment.
Ask yourself, do you want to live with him in the rest of your life.
You will be the only one to face all problems. You can not change a person. But you can have your own choices.

You really love him or just want to get marry because of the age, or just want to have kids because of the age....you are the only one who have all the answers.

作者: chunsh 時間: 2009-4-11 02:40

你而家知道有問題好過你29歲個陣先知
佢愛唔愛你﹐其他人唔知﹐但其實你可能已經心中有數
自己想清楚﹐如果你認為佢仲愛你既﹐你應該應真同佢講清楚。but otherwise....u
need to do something wise....

but dont just think the negative side, 男人既野﹐拍左拖甘多年無可能仲好似
可以岩岩識你個陣甘sweet同浪漫﹐講真﹐我估你都無可能好似岩岩同佢together個
陣o甘溫柔啦。
Anyways﹐communicate多o的啦

作者: ricrick 時間: 2009-4-11 03:06

本帖最後由 ricrick 於 2009-4-11 04:07 編輯

同意shock28的做法，飛起佢一排，同時開放市場
女人青春真係好快冇
到你三十歲先散，到時候無人要了
都係為自己著想好d，如果你拍過幾次拖，失過幾次戀，你應該知道每一段感情，對你一生其實是很小很小的一部份
只不過是當局者迷

作者: goldie 時間: 2009-4-11 17:15

匿名 are you better now?
no more fighting?

作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-4-11 17:24

we were fighting yesterday...
he told me he doesnt want to talk about issues because they will never be solvable, and we will just end up fighting and i'll be there crying and ruin our good dating time... i dont know, i dont know if it's asking for too much to talk about things when they go wrong.

i guess if i ignore issues then we are fine. but when discrapencies come up then we are really bad.

i confronted him yesterday about the no hug/kiss/hold hands things. he admitted that he is more冷淡to me recently because he is really tired and busy and he said it will be better once he graduates in june. is that really true that guys tend to draw back when they are stressed out at work and school?

作者: ricrick 時間: 2009-4-11 17:46

the answer is NO. you can ask all the 愛妻人士 on lyk about what they think
there must be some secrets in his heart that he doesn't want to tell. hehe. i am sure
but u don't need to know, that must be something you don't want to hear

作者: MiCo 時間: 2009-4-11 21:56

it'll be better once he graduates? u mean when he starts looking for work with this economy, it'll be less stressful? ....seriously?

even if that's true, there's always gonna be stressful factors in life, whether u use them as an excuse or not though is another thing =\

don't let him waste anymore of your time, from what you said, you've given him more than enough chances already ><

作者: goldie 時間: 2009-4-11 22:44

facts are
you really really really love him, but he dosnt committ
you want marriage and kids, but he is struggling over graduation
if you want to save the relationship
may be you should help him figure out WHAT HE WANTS first?

作者: myversa 時間: 2009-4-15 15:25

There is problem in your relationship.  I do not think it will get better when he graduates.  Life will get much tougher when you finish school.  Look, he needs to find a job he likes in an economy like this, and job is not like school.  You can make mistake in your assignment but not in jobs.

If there is an issue, you better to solve right away or the issue will just accumulate and it will become bigger issue.

I am not your boyfriend so I do not really know what he thinks but for me I would not throw my temper on my wife even if I am very stressful.  That is just not the right thing to do.  Every one has temper but he/she has to learn how to control it.

Do you always try when talking things with him?  Try to reason with him and tell him what you are afraid of and what you expect about the relationship.

My wife and I did have difficult time few times but I always tried to reason with her and asked her to tell me what she expected me to do and we would talk about it.

Communication is the key.  It sounds to me that you have no idea what he is thinking and that's what you are afraid of.

作者: hium 時間: 2009-4-16 16:22

本帖最後由 hium 於 2009-4-16 17:24 編輯

15# Anonymous

佢唔識珍惜你 ---> 一腳踢佢走
Sister, 青春可貴呀。。。

你第日諗返只會覺得自己好傻。

作者: goldie 時間: 2009-4-16 18:16

贊成，我都覺得應該一腳踢佢走

作者: bluemoon 時間: 2009-4-16 18:56

He likes you but he doesn't love you any more.

He wants to leave you but ng shei duc release, just because the relationship had been so long or you are somewhat a nice girl. It's normal for anyone, girl or guy, it's humanity.

You have to think only one thing, if you still want to be with someone who doesn't love you any more for the rest of your life. No worry about the temper or job or study... All it is, really is the love had been fade away. Ask yourself if you love him or like him now...

I think, it's time for both of you to move on.

作者: Mini 時間: 2009-4-16 21:03

我以前識得有個男仔，佢高我一年級。佢女朋友鍾意佢多啲，佢其實唔係話咁鍾意個女仔。佢同過其他人講，佢一路keep住個女仔做女朋友係為咗有床上同有車渣(個女仔借架車俾佢渣)。我希望你唔會係呢個女仔嘅翻版。

作者: shock28 時間: 2009-4-16 21:38

本帖最後由 shock28 於 2009-4-16 22:39 編輯

為咗有床上同有車渣(個女仔借架車俾佢渣)。
Mini 發表於 2009-4-16 22:03

my friends call these type of girl as "package deal" lol

作者: 小叻 時間: 2009-4-16 21:57

我以前識得有個男仔，佢高我一年級。佢女朋友鍾意佢多啲，佢其實唔係話咁鍾意個女仔。佢同過其他人講，佢一路keep住個女仔做女朋友係為咗有床上同有車渣(個女仔借架車俾佢渣)。我希望你唔會係呢個女仔嘅翻版。 ...
Mini 發表於 16-4-2009 21:03

what a cheap guy!!!

作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-4-17 04:14

我以前識得有個男仔，佢高我一年級。佢女朋友鍾意佢多啲，佢其實唔係話咁鍾意個女仔。佢同過其他人講，佢一路keep住個女仔做女朋友係為咗有床上同有車渣(個女仔借架車俾佢渣)。我希望你唔會係呢個女仔嘅翻版。 ...
Mini 發表於 2009-4-16 22:03

I don't think I'm that, fortunately.

Somehow recently we seem to be better. He is being a lot more sweet with me lately. I hope it lasts and would not go back.

作者: myversa 時間: 2009-4-17 08:05

Good luck to you.

作者: Yuffa 時間: 2009-4-17 15:26

I think you need to have a much deeper conversation with him.
A good time would be before you go to sleep....

Simply asking him why you are not doing this and doing that...why are you not like before and blah blah blah is just going to piss him off. This is because you are simply blaming him and telling him that he is doing something wrong when he thinks otherwise.

Just because you think you are being a good girlfriend....doesn't mean he thinks the same. Step back for a moment and ask him what he thinks about the relationship. Ask him if he is happy with how things are and if there is anything he wants to change. Tell him that you just want to chat...you are not looking for an arguement because you notice that he has been stressed/upset/busy lately and you just want to help to make him happier~~~

作者: 吳孟達 時間: 2009-4-17 15:46

I don't think I'm that, fortunately.

Somehow recently we seem to be better. He is being a lot more sweet with me lately. I hope it lasts and would not go back.
Anonymous 發表於 2009-4-17 05:14

But....
Checked your previous message, did you guys just fight again?

發表於 6 天前
we were fighting yesterday..

作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-4-17 15:51

But....
Checked your previous message, did you guys just fight again?

發表於 6 天前
we were fighting yesterday..
吳孟達發表於 2009-4-17 16:46

It was after that fight he got much better.
Seems like he doesn't like the talks but when after the talks he does rethink and acts on it?

作者: 匿名 時間: 2009-4-17 15:53

I think you need to have a much deeper conversation with him.
A good time would be before you go to sleep....

Simply asking him why you are not doing this and doing that...why are you not like before ...
Yuffa 發表於 2009-4-17 16:26

Maybe this is the right approach?
He does say on a regular basis that he is very serious about this relationship so I think he still is. Maybe there is something that is bothering him about us that makes him act this way?

作者: news 時間: 2009-4-20 07:06

sounds like he is a guy u can rely on..maybe u should move on

作者: myversa 時間: 2009-4-20 08:31

sometimes fighting is a good thing, it makes two people think over the relationship. As long as someone is willing to back down and the fighting is not resulting in a physical violence.

作者: rainbow-davie 時間: 2009-4-20 16:24

just give him a special exciting crazy sex tonight.

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