Letting go

SmellyTofu

Just want to know when people think it's time to let go of all the years of together-ness and what really motivates someone to really hurt someone after all those years?

SmellyTofu

Thx for the replies and people sharing their experiences... my .. I don't know what to call her now.. fiance or just a "friend" has been in HK for 6 months. She's the one saying we should cool down or something but never really explained herself apart from the fact she wants to take her whole family back to HK just so they can have a "good life" in retirement. Going back to HK for me is not an option right now because of my parents here that are getting sicker as the years roll by without any relatives or family to look after them. Also the fact that I cannot contribute to the HK labour force because of my poor illiterate Chinese and the fact that I will be giving up my career.. my purpose to waking up in the mornings.

At the moment, I'm fairly hurt, confused, and asking myself what I did wrong. I've been fairly reliable, practical in every sense of the word, and do the right things most of the time. Yet I sit here wondering ... endlessly. But as utopia said above, I am surrounding myself with friends and going out and socialising so that this depressive mood does not beat me without resorting to alcohol / drugs etc. I really am so tempted to go on the bottle and waste myself but I know it won't solve the problem nor help the healing process in the long run.

I saw the ring I gave her this morning (she said originally that she didn't want to take it coz she didn't want to lose it) and all my emotions came flooding back. My hopes and dreams were in that ring. Never to fail... never to end.... however... ai... dunno...  I'm trying to keep my head up high, eyes straight ahead and move forward despite the difficulties.

I've done a few photo shoots at weddings this year and often when I have a quiet moment from taking photos, I look at the couples, their reactions and wonder how one gets to that stage. What makes 2 people decide that this is how they want to spend the rest of their living days on this planet together. What makes 2 people satisfied and content with their lives. What makes 2 people just... agree to be co-exist together happily.

*sigh*.... I want to cry.. I really want to but I don't want to be the sad bastard that sits in a room and spend the rest of my waking hours feeling sorry for myself and expect others to give me sympathy.

I knew on the first day I met her, I would be risking it all. My heart, my feelings,.. everything... I knew I was very vulnerable, very opened, maybe too opened to getting hurt.... I know next time I will not be opened at all.