utopia

Many people work more than one job. My brother worked 3.5 job for years.
Full-time programmer day time, Delivery boy + Waiter, P/T fixing computer.

That drive him nut and very tired. He still tired now but at least he is working for 2 jobs which is slightly better..............as a sister, I feel bad to see him totally drained out all the energy ...........

I totally agree with myversa, that's what happened to my brother too. He decided to take Sunday off for rest or spend time with my ar so. Even though, it's not spending time but at least he has some spare time to do the gardening for his house

utopia

Well, I don't think the girl might absolutely think you are cheap.

I had similar experience with caveman before. I complained to him that why is everything about money. Like yungfourfour mentioned, he did the math for me  about future situation. From then, I quit partying and shopping and hope to do the saving with him together.

And also, when I complained to him about money, to be honest, it's not about money solely. Since caveman already so busy with school and work and investment, when we are together, I wish he focus on the quality time not money. We already saving hard on daily things, why can't we just sit down and relax for once and treat ourselves nicely? From then, he will just cheap on himself and won't cheap on us anymore. He understands and start to learn how to enjoy life more.

It just such a turn off when "pak tau" involved calculating money every minute. Do those math in your heart or when it is necessary, ok?

utopia

I am not sure about your girlfriend. I used to feel left out when caveman is so busy with his life. Then, I have a chance to move up or promoted in my career, since then I've transformed into a workaholic myself and I hardly complain that we did not spend enough time. Well, I did once in awhile........that when we worked like 7 days a week...............I told him once bitterly that we haven't "pak tau" for ................almost a month la.........can we quit doing things "seriously" for once? Then, ever since, he free himself sunday off and "pui" me lor.........

utopia

doraemon1002,

I cannot comment on your girlfriend, as this is only a one side story. Perhaps there are more than you don't have enough time for her. Perhaps she doesn't love you anymore and don't know what to tell you when she wants to break up.

Anyhow, you are right. If you have high standard on a so called "good girlfriend", you need to be competitive compare to other man.

50-60K a year is pretty good (before tax or after tax?) If your future wife make 30K a year (which very easy), it added up 90K a year ga la~

utopia

I don't think $$$ can buy a girl heart but being financially stable is a bonus.
You don't want to marry a guy that have tons of loans and you will be afraid a "dai yi lung" will pop out of nowhere and ask you for money right?

However, doraemon1002, you are making the same mistake that my ex did to me.
Same with you, he used money to buy my heart which fail and I ended up run away. I know he is a good guy and he truly loved me but I don't want him just to buy me everything.

Material is not everything to me. I wished that he can spend time listening to me. I wished that we can have long talk about future instead of making stupid jokes that are meaningless (saying that doesn't mean I don't appreciated him, I know he was trying to make me smile). I don't need to exchange gifts. I wished he can handmade gifts to me or write me love letters. I wished he can beside me when I need help, so I don't have to run to my brother or other friend for help.

You see the different? Sure he is more financially stable than my caveman. He doesn't even need to worry about his future as he was just waiting for his mom to pass the restaurant to him in a few years. BUT, that's not what I want.....

utopia

原帖由 shutterbug 於 2008-1-10 16:33 發表
I have a different view.  I think your gf's complaint is fair.  Think about it, if my bf works 80 hours a week for 2 straight years, haha...I think I'll raise this concern too.  Females have a differe ...

  Totally agree~

Men and women are from different planet. To men, they love a woman, he spend all his time to be romantic to get that woman. Once he felt he secured from the battlefield, he will switch back to his normal routine. He thinks money and stable future is everything and he thinks his woman will understand because he is doing all the hard work for their future.

However, women might understand at the beginning stage and try to support him. Ironically, here come the conflict and a lot of couples end up broke up just like you. Women started to complain that her bf is not spending enough time on her nor all he cares about is money.

Then, a lot of male supporter like LYK will say things like oh, just dump her. She is so immature, she is not a good gf by not supporting him...

But there is nobody to blame at all, the best description is "you meet each other at the wrong time".
I think the girl side of story is the same too, she tried her best to save the relationship too but he is not doing enough effort to save this relationship. So she has no choice but give up.

The term is different. Your definition of "trying" is buying her everything and work 80 hours a week to make sure you two will have a secure financial background.

Her term of "trying" is sit down and tell you she is not feeling right with this relationship. Her term of "trying" is giving you subtle or clear signal that you are not making her happy.

When she is telling you, you are too cheap and everything is about money. She does not mean exactly what she said, the subtle hint is = YOU don't care about my feeling anymore. WHICH a lot of guys will defends, for god sake, if I do not care about your feeling anymore. Why would I spend tons of money on you????

That's not us women want, we want quality time not $$$. We want the boyfriend truly enjoy the time when we are together. We want to go out for dinner when my boyfriend to smile and truly be happy. We don't want to face a robot that have dead facial expression.

Understanding you are tired and drained out all the energy for working is one thing. BUT reality is, we are not happy to face a robot. Which woman on earth will be happy to see this scenario:

We are lying on the bed and we are about to start our sweet conversation. Once I started, I start hearing him snoring nor...he is spacing out.

We are having lunch together, but he space out as if he is on a different planet.

When your gf telling you, if you cannot make her  happy now, how can  you make her happy in the future.

Logically, you are right but she is partially right too.

If you cannot afford to give her attention when you two are not married yet, think about when you two have kids and you still work 80 hours a week. How much quality time left for her??

utopia

原帖由 doraemon1002 於 2008-1-10 16:47 發表
Was it a mistake to end this relationship?

But it is too late to make changes now.

If you spend good two years on a relationship, I would say it doesn't hurt to try.

Worst is, you also feel the same too. You are not a happy person.

Now you make me think of "Haken"'s song long time ago.

"Losing you, winning the whole world means nothing"

You won the whole world. Spend two years on making money like crazy. What did you gain other than wealth?

I am sure there are lot of time that your girlfriend need your mental support and you weren't there for her. Not saying you dont have the heart.

BUT, possibly, you are so tired already. She probably opened her mouth and keep the word insider her heart because she does not want to be your burden.

You are lucky enough that nobody stole her from you for the past 2 years.

Sign*, balancing is the key of life, dude. Don't just listen on one side of story.
Try to view this relationship on a 3rd party point of view. Neglect the fact that you worked so hard for the future.

Try to see the whole relationship from her point of view. You will see why she was so upset.

When I said you can blame "you met each other at the wrong time", I mean....

If you meet her when she worked hard on her career like you do, then it will be perfect because you guys are on the same track lor.

utopia

Doraemon,

I assumed you are mid-20 or late 20 now? With working heavily for the past years, I'm sure you have saved quite a bit of money already. It's time for you to move on to a better life.

Start looking for new habit or activity which can make you relax la.

It's good that you can still think positive, treat your ex as your wake up call lor.
Re-organize your life la.