utopia

Alc,

Listening to what you said about "lai lai", it lead me and caveman had a conversation about what if we get married.... then I have "no eye see".

Given my brother is already married and my mom is very very attached to me.... THEN, his mom is divorce and not willing to get another man in her life...and she does not have too many friends due to her personality.................then should we get triplex rather than duplex???~~~~

They had an agreement long long time ago when he was still with his honger ex gf that her mom said she won't live with them... but now she "pretends" she forgot about it....
And keep mentioning "our house" lately ................... "our house" meaning including her lor~~~~ and caveman really hates her mom living style, he always complain that she makes everything look so countryside, so china...............ai....

Then, when caveman pointed out "our house", she immediately pretends innocent and said, "chuer, by the time you get married I will retired la. I will just go back to China and live with your uncle and auntie. The most you just leave me a spare room and I come back every 6 months"......................

But.......the thing is, his auntie has a granddaughter and a family and his uncle has 3 wives, one in Vancouver, 2 in HK and have so many kids. How the heck that is possible his mom can live with his aunt and uncle ar????

I just very very curious how your hubby turn down your lai lai's offer by living with you two..........................I have no eyes see lor...........PLUS, I rather let my mom raise my kids in the future since my mom was a teacher when she was young.............I don't want my kid to learn anything "so china"..............................

utopia

ai.......................... twin,

We preparing the worst to buy an older house with basement and give up renting out the basement...........and let his mom to live in there lor.............. we don't want to live with her.

Lately, we had quite a few conversation about this topic... he always ask me why does he has to suffer from the problem create from last generation. Why does he has to be responsible for his mom's mistake...and I just keep silent lor. As you mentioned, he always want to be a real man and be responsible...so this is like a no turn back question ..............ai..............

His mom is getting old and acting more like a old lady lately...so that's why we have been discussing this topic lor as we are trying to save up for down payment and everything lately................

Last time after we snowboard, caveman and I cannot even move and we ate already. His mom mentioned a few time to go out for dinner....me being soft heart and seen his mom looks tired after work and dun want to cook...so no matter how sore our body, I said it's ok we can still eat with you even we ate a bit before...............and in his car, he "inch" his mom said "if it's another way, we wants to go out to eat and you are tired, you won't go with us la" and his mom answer "hai gai, if I am tired, I wont' go with you for sure" which pissed us off so much but we cannot say anything..................because we had bad experience to discuss stuff with his mom...

He forced his mom to face the fact in the future and asked his mom, why does she always mentioned caveman will give her couple hundred a month in the future when he was trying to finish his double degree so hard now without her support on tuition??? Why does she always have to brag about his cousin, how good they are doing in school (doctor, master blah blah blah), and they have full support from their dad......................... and his mom end up crying and tell everybody that she feel so sad that his son said these and dad...........but his mom keep mentioning issue like that lately .......and it becomes very annoying and irritating...................It's not like nobody after her since she looks fine at her age...............she has an old white guy after her and that guy is super rich........., she has cook likes her in the past, and she turn him down.... she is the one who responsible for loneness.......and she ruined the marriage ..........herself.......and that's why her husband went out with other woman lor.......

p.s. Sorry twin for bringing up this topic and I'm not even married yet, but this become an issue to us lately.......

utopia

Don't worry, you misunderstand the situation because you do not understand the full story . You are just looking at it from a normal family perspective jei.

Ok, let's talk about the money issue. Caveman already help his mom to do a lot investment. Those money are more than enough for her retirement and he used those money to purchase two apartment in China and one of them are renting out already so she has consistent extra income.

About taking care of him, like bringing him to doctor. Well, for sure she is not a bad mom and she does care about caveman too but........unlike normal kids. She wasn't there for him from age 7-14. She flied to Singapore and Canada with his dad to "repair relationship" and left him alone in China with his uncle, auntie grandparents. For that 7 years, he was kicking around between relatives houses.

We are not (both caveman and I) criticizing her for not taking care of him, or else we won't try to pui her even she get annoying sometimes but that does not court as forcing the son to be responsible for her mistakes.

If we do the math, from age 1 - 7. He was either taking care by maid or staying at both side of grandparents' house. From age 2-5, he was in private school 5 days a week, only see her and his dad during the weekend. Until 7, he was no longer in private school and was expecting to spend most of the time with parents where marriage affair happened. Both parent did not discuss with him but gave him final notice that they have to go somewhere very far.............

So from age 14 (that's when she divorce) til now, she trying to make up those years, and cook so much for him (base on her taste, she insist to cook something she likes even caveman and I don't like oily food............she just make a whole bunch)........ and cook "leung chai" for him.......... Seeing doctor issue was done by himself or relatives for the past years........ wait, she did help him once, few years ago when he was extreme sick and has to send to ER to see doctor.

utopia

Also, Chunsh, we do not see auntie as a burden initially. But com'n, his mom occasionally make comparison which ............... very annoying.

When caveman happily tell her that he got scholarship, his mom will say "whoever cousin" is doing doctor or his cousin is working in HSBC with a Master. Or will say something like, oh son, what's CA? Why don't you finish CA in the future? Then, later, she will say "son, when will you graduate and get married"

Or worst, she will keep saying "ai, the government will give me yeung lo gum, then you can give me couple hundred every month". The fact is, without she saying that to us or not, we already planned to give her money in the future but she just keep bringing it up which give us so much pressure.................... Then she will continues saying his cousin give his auntie 800 a month and the sister give the auntie another 800, and she has a house and she has 1600 a month..................and how good those two cousins are, they are both master...............

You see what I mean? Caveman and I both respect her and take care of her but she just take it for granted without appreciating. Talking about feeding him, he try to help her with most of the expense. He paid for all the groceries, paid for the gas for his mom. The only thing he did not pay is the rent of the house. If he is not being responsible, he can go ahead and just like most honger kids. He takes care of everything in this family...............................all he needs is his mom's understanding and encouragement but his mom occasionally brag about how good her side relative are to him and to me.............which is nothing to do with us at all..........

utopia

The reason why we want her to face the fact is not solely we don't want to live with her.

we are doing that for her own good too. She has been to Canada for almost 20 years I think? She is not one bit adapt to the life style in Canada at all and she likes everything in China and so proud of it. She even told me "Utopia, Guazhou is so much better than Hong Kong and nicer than HK, HK cannot compare to Guazhou". She always love her sibling in China ............... and she will not eat anything western in Canada and think everything in Canada is expensive and she cannot speak English after 20 years in Canada.

We do not want her to be like those seniors in Chinatown moving like a zombie and go to the bank teller and screaming. She will have a better life in China while spending time with her sibling.

And sorry if I use the wrong tone but we never complain to her in "one bit" about she did not support his degrees like other honger parents. We don't mind at all but we mind when she brag in front of us how she "paid for his school" when that is not the fact....... We mind that when she brag about those cousin are so good when we know the fact deep down they did not spend time with their parents like we do...........
We mind that when she twist all the facts in order to fulfill her pride.........

utopia

Yui,

for your case, I cannot give any suggestion since they are so old and have been to Canada for so long....

Your case is similar to caveman's mom, she been in Canada for almost 10+ years but she did not change one bit of 農民 style...........but not as extreme as your lai lai because at she was "a manager in an international trading company" back to the days when she was in China............................ but still have 農民 style.........like knee on the carpet to chop things, buy many useless stuff from China and never throw away..etc etc.

It's hopeless and I don't think they will change because they are old already.
It's like asking ourselves to quit some habit that we have been doing since we were a kid............

utopia

Yui,

You are facing a situation that what my mom is experiencing at this moment in Asia.
She lives with my grandparent and my grandmother is very sick and barely can walk.
Yet, they never wear anything new even we bought them tons...... and the whole apartment, I seen it this year, I feel so sad that my mom seems like living in "lung uk area" or ..........like a begger..............

1000 times worst than your lai lai ............. the only thing my mom can do is clean clean clean and clean everyday (because my grandmother cannot control herself, so pee and poo poo everywhere in the apartment) ..............because they will never hire a maid; worrying that the maid will kill them and steal all their money..............

ai......... the best way is just live separately .to avoid conflict and argument..

utopia

Ai.... Now listening to the C9 crew on LYK which make me worry.

Yesterday, same scenario happening again...... caveman squeeze out half day to "pui" his mom.......... then it happens like a cycle

1) Caveman told her in the future (in a very soft tone), her account will remain $5 (which he didn't finish the conversation yet). And she act up right the way said "What?? I have money in my account!!!" ...Then caveman didn't bother to argue with her and asked her "Isn't it you always said you want to get 'lo yan gum' from government?? If you want to get the full amount of 'lo yan gum', then you have to keep your account low and transfer the 'lo yan gum' somewhere else, right?'

2) His mom always turn the heat so high but his basement is very very small..... and every time we go back to his house; the heat is too high that I keep drinking water and hardly breathe or make me very sleepy. Then yesterday, Caveman can't stand her anymore and "kindly" point out to her that. She shouldn't turn up the heat too high. First, it will make people sleepy, secondly, it's bad for the body and for the skin...... THEN, her mom used her "winning skill" again. " Gum I am old ar mah, my body heat is not as high as you guys so I keep the heat so high lor" (seriously, it feels like summer in his basement and it's a very very small basement too)

3) They were at Cosco and her mom was testing the food sample. Right after she done eating it, she just throw away the paper on the shelves~!?!?!?! Then, Caveman was mad and tell her not to do it again. She didn't deny this time but give him "face" that she dun give a damn. BUT on the other hand, she keep laughing at people from China acting like countryside people or they are so loud and bad manner. AND she is doing EXACTLY the same..............


ai.................. and I can understand yui's situation and I already foreseen these in the future as her mom started to hang clothes in the bathroom...

utopia

原帖由 Yui 於 2008-1-10 09:27 發表


My lai lai has a habbit of reserving and recycling tissue papers, she would unfold the crumble wet tissue and flat dry on the table (she said they are clean, just water).When my hubby and I see thes ...

Die la............ yui and alc, you guys are scaring me because .........your lai lai or grandma is like extreme version of caveman's mom..... and it seems to transforming into that kind of situation...

In his mom's room, I can find different kind of stuff. Bag of rice, 'fancy plastic bags'(which is not really, but to her, yes), magazine, can food etc.

In her new accord, I can find a BUNCH of wet tissue from restaurant; Apple, Candy, snack, blanket, puffy jacket, two unknown plastic tray (those one that for holding glass bottles), plastic bagssss, anything dun belong to a V6 Accord, you can find in her car............

Cooking way way too much for us (her fridge collection is enough for a family of 8.........), and she will not eat "old dishes" and force caveman and I eat the "old dishes". When we are so full and ask her to eat with us, she will make up different excuses like she already ate at 3pm or she will have dinner in workplace or she is not feeling well etc etc etc... to make us to get rid of the old dishes......... and we keep telling her not to cook so much........and she won't listen~~~ Always make soup LARGE enough for 6+ people.........and we both only able to drink a bowl or two max (talking about big bowl  you see in restaurant).................

And she has unlimited supply of wooden chopsticks and old ugly dishes that she won't throw away. She used to have a restaurant, and those supply was from the past. She won't throw those away....and not until recently, Caveman and I can't stand it anymore. We pull out EVERY SINGLE of her collection in her living room and forced her to face how much garbage she has....then she finally realize and told us to sell it in garage sell (which NOBODY buy ANYTHING from us at all...........) ..........and now those garbage is sitting at my house's storage and SHE PRETENDS those garbage are gone...............


Oh, and she has UNLIMITED broken luggage bags from China. Those looks nice ONLY and once you try to use it, either the wheel is broken or the zipper cannot be close after you stuff in your clothes.....And whenever we asked her why she has to buy these easily broken things all the way from China to Canada..... then she will reply with her favorite line "Not me, I didn't buy those. It's your aunt who buy those ji mah. I told her not to buy" (which we all know it's not true.........his aunt always mad at her for buying extreme cheap stuff from china and import them to Canada.....) She can buy like 10 pair of shoes (look exactly the same) just because 10 pair of shoes can get a better price in China..............


And she put an extreme ugly red luggage bag out for almost a year now and said she will throw it away and...................... I never see any action ........

utopia

原帖由 Alcoholic 於 2008-1-9 20:12 發表
Yui,
your lai-lai is kinda like my 嬤嬤 in hk。她已前細個偷盜落香港。我嬤嬤最鍾意收集膠袋, 紙袋，橡根，報紙，雜誌，各酒樓既牙籤，繩，布碎   一個字：HAN (aka 不浪廢）嬤嬤從來都唔著新衫。。。 if you buy it, she will ...

OMG, your grandmother sounds like my dad hahahahaha