返回列表 發帖
:tk_41 not bad not bad

TOP

(下) is more interesting ne~

TOP

one comment, too many line ends with 妳, it gets repetitive..

TOP

本帖最後由 ACC-HE 於 2012-6-6 16:21 編輯

還令我尷尬得不知怎給妳反應 =>
還令我忐忑不知該怎去作反應

That's would be how I'd feel if I'm the guy. 忐忑. haha.. well, unless the girl was super ugly, then that could be embarrassing too.
update: oh, just realized you were answering the (上)... nvm

TOP

本帖最後由 ACC-HE 於 2012-6-6 16:19 編輯

"別要寫我不要聽 我不看妳日記"
this line is a little weird to me... the whole stanza was strong, other than this line.

Overall, the wordings of this 'dude' is... a whole bunch of whining!   Can kind of feel the lyrics was written by a female writer.

TOP

本帖最後由 ACC-HE 於 2012-6-6 17:55 編輯

Honestly I don't know if you're a girl or not since your username is unisex.  So no, it wasn't 先入為主.

I understand, the meaning of 日記果句, but it's like... oh don't write, I don't read.  Then if you don't read, why would you care if I write, kind of thing.  Also, the sound of that line is not as strong relative to the rest of the stanza.

Well, the song is a whiny song to begin with... so not really your fault.
If I were to think of how to improve it, I'd work on the tone and express the true feeling of the guy, with less whining.

TOP

返回列表