Ultraman

原帖由 Catpiano 於 2008-1-5 22:22 發表
Are you getting marry in Canada??  or HK .. or China ?

I dont think you need to pay 禮金 in Canada wor ..

Huh?! Why 禮金 is not needed in Canada?? Even in HK, some of my friends didn't pay a dollar 禮金 at all bor! I think it's not because of HK or Canada or what, it's depends on your wife's family lor! Hehe.....

Ultraman

Honestly, maybe it's a little too late to reconsider if your "bf" is suitable to be your husband.... ! I think it's not the issues of "lai gum" or how much the amount should be..... blah blah, it's about "respect". Not necessarily limited to different cultures but in general situations. I know some white guys married to Chinese gals and they do really respect (and actually enjoy) Chinese cultures, they even wore Chinese costumes and served tea ceremony on the wedding day! So?! You "bf" is just a CBC, not even a white guy, his background is surely a Chinese, can't deny. The point is, he doesn't even respect to his own background/mom/family, how can he respect you/your mom/your family??! Sigh.....

Ultraman

原帖由 Maggie 於 2008-1-10 10:10 發表


I am with this guy for 7 years and there are reasons why I am still with him.  What makes this difficult for me is that I feel like I am the only one who is willing to sacrifice and compromise... I am not even given a chance to understand and to be understood...

Maggie, then which reason(s) is/are stronger, to decide whether you should still stay with him or to leave him and find a better man? Cuz marriage is a life time commitment lai ga!

Ultraman

原帖由 Maggie 於 2008-1-10 23:51 發表



I think about this all the time... If I can handle this logically I would have broken up with him 6 years ago... sigh...

To break up now (after 6-7 years together) is tough; but still better than to divorce after married, or to tolerate more years after married but not feeling happy for the rest of your life. Listen, please sit down and re-re-consider again before you regret for making not-too-good decision. Good luck la!

Ultraman

原帖由 Maggie 於 2008-1-11 12:53 發表



I suggested it and he wouldn't go...  Thanks for the info though.

Why he wouldn't want to go? Cuz only people have real problem won't realize/admit they have problem!
And that is the problem you have to deal with alone lor!

Ultraman

Maggie, ask yourself deep in your heart, what do you want to do with this relationship??

Ultraman

原帖由 LOK 於 2008-1-14 12:15 發表
I still don't understand why the 禮金 is so important.  
I still think 禮金 = 賣女.

If the parents love their daughter, they will be happy if they know their daughter found a good man, instead of thi ...

Lok, it's really not about 禮金 only issue. It's about "r e s p e c t"! The gal's side didn't ask for a million dollar or so, but do you think $10 is a sincere offer? If he respects maggie/her family/Chinese tradition, even he offers $999 or $999.99, I don't think it's too much that would be considered as 賣女 lor.

Ultraman

原帖由 LOK 於 2008-1-14 12:36 發表

That make sense to me now.  Sometimes, when you buy a present for gf on b-day or anniversary, maybe a few hundred dollars too.

And if he's so white washed, did he use 3 months of his salary to buy y ...

Yes, I think so too. I knew some true white people dressed in traditional Chinese costume and had tea ceremony served on the wedding day la. Not that Maggie's bf is white washed, he just not respect to others jeh.

Ultraman

jumptiger, which one of the following do you think it's more reasonable:
1. someone asks someone to respect a traditional custom; or
2. someone asks someone to respect his/her disrespect of a traditional custom.

Ultraman

原帖由 jumptiger 於 2008-1-14 13:25 發表


I am not picking side but I don't understand why $10 is disrespectful when $999 is? What is the "expected" amount? Who determine that value and how?

For example, if you are being invited for a formal wedding banquet in a 5 star hotel, how much would you pay for the money gift or wedding gift? $10 for money gift, or anything from a dollar shop? Whom and how to determine the reasonable value?

Maybe you're not familiar with Chinese custom too. Actually there are some particular numbers that many Chinese believe are lucky. And there are different numbers to be used in different situations. The number "9" is the most common one for used in weddings or to describe a good and sweet relationship between two. Therefore, a "lai gum" should be in the amount that includes "9" or only includes "9"; and the more "9" the better. Basically, a $9 would be way too less (don't think about $0.9 tim la), also a $99 would be too less; and a $9999 would consider a lot (which not too many people are willing to pay or afford to pay). Therefore a $999 or $999.99 would be considered a reasonable and sincere and pleasant figure that many Chinese families would be happy to accept lor.