Yui

lyk各路溝通高手,請指點一下我應如何說服我老爺奶奶改善(不是改變)他們的生活方式?

我老爺奶奶是80年代初從大陸移民來溫哥華的老華僑,故鄉是'鄉下',(在城市近郊以務農為生的那種).盡管他們已來了加拿大差不多30年,但其'農民生活模式'多年不改.

他們不願意用洗衣機,乾衣機,喜歡所有衣服都用手洗和涼衫,會把室內有暖氣出的位置都掛些衫褲.奶奶更要堅持把衣服揚開涼,會把衣服poo在沙發上,椅背,樓梯欄杆這些位置. 由於天天洗衣,這種情況天天發生.

奶奶對收集膠袋膠盒鐵罐之纇的東西情有對鍾,收集一大堆又用不著,就隨意堆機在廚房一角.

她亦有把wet膠袋掛在窗口當眼處風乾的習慣.她知道我不喜歡,趁我上班的時候才涼.但我有時候早下班,會從遠處看見自己家的客廳窗口有個紅膠袋在隨風飄揚,入門後樓梯欄杆掛著內衣襪子,那種厭惡感湧住上心頭...有時會忍不住面黑,但從未宣之於口

打開雪櫃會看見大量紅白黃膠袋重重包圍的食物,膠袋裡面是甚麼,放了多久,我從來不知亦從不過問.我們分開吃,所以我只會用自己處理過的食物.

奶奶信佛,喜歡一邊看電視,一直'南麼阿彌陀'...我無法說出口叫她收聲.私下跟老公說過,但知道這是奶奶過去20多年的習慣,我也不忍要老人家難堪.最後甚麼都沒說.

奶奶很念舊,從不扔東西,到今時今日還用著1980年從中國大陸帶來的衣服鞋物,有時同她上街飲茶,坦白說她的打扮會讓我覺得很尷尬.她打死不肯在這裡買衣服,試過買了一堆新衣服給她當禮物,她通通給refund去,一件不留.不管老爺,老公都說新衣服好看200倍. 她依然故我,作農婦打扮上街.唉...

如果你是我,你會點做?

Yui

原帖由 華美子 於 2008-1-9 23:33 發表
Alcoholic，我奶奶唔只慳，仲係環保之星，好少用膠袋不特只，保鮮紙洗完再用。有次想用我包過生豬肉既保鮮紙包飯，好在我立即dump左張保鮮紙。

My lai lai has a habbit of reserving and recycling tissue papers, she would unfold the crumble wet tissue and flat dry on the table (she said they are clean, just water).When my hubby and I see these sad wrinkled tissue papers, we just toss them.

Lai lai's latest strategy is to put them back to the tissue paper box, so that we would not notice and throw them away.

Yui

big tooth, sorry I did not read every posting of yours but it seems like you are annoyed with daugthers in-law whining at public forum, correct?

May I know why does that bother you? Is it immoral or gossipy?

I'm not challenging you... but just abit confused. Thank you!

Yui

Alc, I respect other's opinions and comments, but not necessarily agree to them.

One good example: "Open Communiation" with my Lai Lai will never work, it is a FACT proven by repeated FAILURE. Some people may think because my hubby and I are lacking proper communication skills and not able to deal with seniors, etc. I just laugh it out. Yeah right.

Happy to find out that you and I share the same philosophy re Lai Lai vs daughter in-law relationship. I behave exactly the same like you. Some of my Lai Lai's practices do annoy me very much, and I could get quite upset sometimes, but that does not mean we have a bad relationship.  

I like sharing my experiences, expressing some thoughts, and learning from individuals who are in similar situations, such as Alc, Littleprice, Hua Mei Zhi here at LYK. As simple as that. Thanks for sharing guys!

Yui

big-tooth, 其實有你參與這個topic真係幾有意思,因為你既身分既係老公又係仔,而你太太又能與奶奶相見好,同住又好. 你簡直是萬中無一的幸運兒. 你既觀點有一定參考的價值.

但請你也能用你的同理心在我們這班師奶的角度想一想,我們幾個lyk師奶理面,所分享的事件中,有那件你認為我們處理的手法是錯的呢?如果有,你是否有更理想的應對方法呢?
請你賜教两招,我想大家都一定會歡迎.交流一下相處心得,都無壊ㄚ. 這才算是constructive criticism. Right?

E.g. 華美子說﹔「我聽日想食麵，因為想食Ｄ濕野，我會自己煮啦。」

我覺得這樣說法沒有不妥的地方，你卻認為.....

“The problem here is that you said you will cook yourself.  This clearly telling her that her cooking sucks.  This is not good even if said in a nice tone of voice. “

甘應該點做點講先alright 呢?

老公夾在中間難做人; 其實做老婆又何尚吾係?我係呢到所說關於我奶奶既某ｄ事連我老公我都吾講，係吾想拒難做．如果連在網上都吾能夠吐下苦水．講出心個句，真係要對住個洋娃娃說嗎?　甘咪人都癲?

如果你覺得我們以新抱身分和角度在網上論壇討論婆媳相處是不對的,又認為舉例說明等同'講是非'，得罪講句，我覺得你幾大男人．

[ 本帖最後由 Yui 於 2008-1-10 21:07 編輯 ]

Yui

原帖由 blueprint 於 2008-1-10 21:42 發表
「如果你覺得我們以新抱身分和角度在網上論壇討論婆媳相處是不對的,又認為舉例說明等同'講是非」

我覺得 bigtooth 的立場很清楚呀，他不覺得討論婆媳相處是不對的‧Correct me if I'm wrong, bigtooth.  不好的是 ─  ...

請不要段章取義阿,我說'如果你覺得我們以新抱身分和角度在網上論壇討論婆媳相處是不對的' - 那是回應post84.

無所謂啦,多講無益. 係師奶八婆又好,係三姑六婆又好,其實大家都係吹水o者o岩聽o米聽﹐唔o岩聽o米當時運高﹐no eye see lor (Quote from chunsh)

[ 本帖最後由 Yui 於 2008-1-10 23:00 編輯 ]