tsumorichisato

Maggie,

the negotiation of "lai gum" is a very difficult process and it's simply impossible to follow the exact tradtion.  Who should be paying (the groom, groom's parents or even you n' your fiance together) is just debatable. You should at least know how much your mom is expecting before doing anything. You may need to take this slowly in order to persuade your fiance about this wedding "tradition". I know some "guai lo" also give "lai gum" to the chinese bride's family cuz they understand that's the culture. You said your fiance just can't accept this for what reason though? Maybe he doesn't know how much he gotta pay and this can throw him out of budget?

Your role now is to explain what's the purpose of "lai gum" to your fiance. Cuz your mom is going to buy you jewellry for 嫁妝...

Don't question whether it's needed or not. When your mom is expecting it, the answer is explicitly a YES - you have to do it. The amount can be negotiable but it doesn't mean this can be waived.

婚禮從來不是兩個人既事﹐是兩家人既事﹐禮金先至開始﹐唔好唔開心﹐好多人都經歷過呢D野架

[ 本帖最後由 tsumorichisato 於 2008-1-6 19:18 編輯 ]

tsumorichisato

Maggie,

Just based on how you describe him, I'm sorry to say that he's totally not the  good "husband" type of person. He may be a perfect bf but simply pretty far away from being your husband. If he doesn't respect his mom, how can you expect him to respect your family.

I'm not saying age must = how mature a person should be, but to me he acts completely like a teenage kid!!!

You guys need to sit down and think it through "why you both wanna get married?"
Marriage is not just 2 people living together under the same roof. There's not just sweet talk anymore, but there are compromises and responsibilities involved. He may not be aware at the mean time but you gotta let him know about that.

tsumorichisato

Maggie,

I think I start seeing the big picture now. Maybe you haven't realized/faced this problem because the dating stage doesn't involve too much with both sides of familes. You love him to an extent that you are willing to accept him not liking the chinese culture/traditions. However, it's coming to marriage and it's no way for you to avoid it.  Yes, it's a very sticky situation.

If we all here forsee there will be problems if you both are married and why don't you try  to take a step back. Why you want to marry with this guy so much? Seriously.. you don't have to tell us and please have an answer to yourself. If after all deep thoughts and you still wanna marry this guy, then don't care about the traditions anymore. Cuz you know this is a never ending argument and it's doing no good to your relationship. You may be looking to a solution that can be beneficial to both sides, but apparently NO (unless you keep lying to both sides). You have to go either one way or another.

tsumorichisato

Nono..here is your chance. If his mom is going to pay the lai gum then everything can be settled rite?