blueprint

Sorry to hear what is happening to you Maggie. I thought that "lai gum" is between both sides' parents.  Nevertheless, like what others here have said that the problem is not solely about "lei gum" anymore.  I think you really have to arrange another heart-to-heart talk with your fiancee about your feelings, your worries.  Let him know that you know where he stands at, but it doesn't do anybody good to not making any compromises.  It doesn't do you and him any good if can't be on the same page.  Hope you guys can cope with it in the end, where no one feels like to nurse a grievance.

blueprint

hm.. how long can the good lie last? From the way Maggie's fiancee act about chinese traditions and stuffs, look like it's an ongoing issue if trying to cover for up for him.  I mean... what about every chinese new year and he wouldn't show up?   Keep on covering up for him?

Maggie, I know you want the wedding to be perfect.  Who wouldn't be?  But sometimes may have to compromise a bit.  In this case, your fiancee suggested $100 as lei gum. It's a start.   

blueprint

Maggie, like quite many of lyk members said, why still with him?  

1. you can choose him over your family and your own values
2. you can choose family and your own values over him
3. just keep waiting for miracles (that he will side with you willingly)

Personally, I'm amazed that you thought of marrying him.  Because both of you are so not one the same page.  Marriage is a solemn commitment that lasts a lifetime.  Think and think carefully.

blueprint

Think about it.  It doesn't look like he is going to change his attitude a bit about respecting you and your chinese cultures.  I'm saying that based on how you described the cases and his attitudes throughout the years you've been together.  Can you really tolerate this behavior?  As you've said, it's no longer just about culture differences anymore.  It's about how you two interact with each other, and above all, love and respect.