advise needed

jasonparker

hey, everyone, this is my 1st thread here. I met my girlfriend in Australia in 2007, but soon after graduation there i came to Vancouver with my family and she went back to HK; We had a long distance relationship ever since, she flew over here a couple of times and i went to HK every year for a few days/weeks; we got engaged early this year but 2 weeks after that she told me she's changed, she said she still loves her highschool classmate in Australia...and she couldn't decide at the moment. Can anyone tell me what to do? Wait? move on? Many thanks...

小白熊

Hi, Jason,

我也把在LYK的第一次發言獻給你吧。

「遠距離戀愛」是很辛苦的，大部分的女孩子談戀愛時都希望男友能常常陪她，
一年只見面幾天，實在不是個長久之計。

今年初你們訂婚了，恭喜，這表示你女友還是很在乎這段感情。
但是之後的反悔，也讓你們之間的種種問題直接攤開來討論，
我覺得，這不是件太壞的事。

在解決問題之前，必須要先認清問題的癥結...
1. 你們之間是否有愛？愛有多深？
2. 那個「高中同學男朋友」是否是真正的問題？
3. 你們對於「遠距離感情」的解決方案為何？
4. 若是「婚前恐懼症」作祟，則不妨諮詢專家的意見。

現在發現問題，總比婚後才發現要好，
所以不要太沮喪難過，冷靜的面對處理吧。

加油！

jasonparker

Thank you lil white bear, we both wished to solve the distance problem by being together here in Vancouver; The guy visited her in HK right after the engagement while i was here in Vancouver, then she became different to me..no txt no phone call...she said she never be with the guy, but she loved him back then. the guy is Korean, he's in Korea, doing his 2nd year in college after resigning from army. She decided not to live a life here with me but to pursue somthing which may end up with nothing, and she said she didn't know why, but she said i deserve a better girl...i just, dont get it.

小白熊

看來問題麻煩了，
因為你女友並不想告訴你真正的原因。

「為什麼？」是每個人遇到問題時的第一疑問，
但是真正的答案常常永不得知。
這也是為什麼有「法官」這個行業的存在，
不過俗語說「清官難斷家務事」，
若你們自己都無法得到答案，
這事就算是交給法官也一樣無解，
頂多只能要求你女友歸還訂婚信物罷了。

除非你們還能繼續對這個問題有建設性的溝通，
不然你也只能試著去接受這個事實了。

Good Luck!

pkphilip

I feel sorry for your situation. I hate to say, when women make up their mind, it is impossible to change them. This is especially true regarding relationships.

It is hard to bear this, but letting go might be the best way to do. Walk a few step back and look at this in a broader view, if she could tell you that, i bet there is more going on with her that she wasn't telling you. Would you be able to accept that?

Don't ask why, just let it go.

Philip

sheep

I feel sorry for your situation. I hate to say, when women make up their mind, it is impossible to c ...
pkphilip 發表於 2011-3-13 22:06

    啱喇
女人愛你
會不顧一切
女人唔愛你
你做咩都掹唔番
呢度有辦你睇

Guy

It's too late to help.
When you leave AU, you should decide whether stay together or break up.
The still in love of the old classmate is just an excuse to make you let go.
that also makes you are not the bad guy here. it was she who change heart.

jasonparker

do you guys think it's the end of story? no turn around? probably right, even her family is on my side, she insists not coming back...

pkphilip

If she is not coming back, then nothing much you could do about it.

Philip

FiChai

There is no "calculations" in a relationship. Not because of you have $100 more so a gal would love you more than the poorer guy, not because of you're less handsome so that gal loves the one who is more handsome... . It's more like a complicated feeling.
Sorry to say and it might be cruel, but it may be the reality, she changed her attitude to you all of a sudden because something happened out of her expectation. Doesn't mean she doesn't love you anymore, but maybe she did something that she is struggling right now, or she's confused between you and the korean guy, or because of before-marry-fear, anyways, there must be a reason, but maybe she doesn't want to tell you the truth or maybe she doesn't even understand what she needs. Give her some time to figure out, don't put too much pressure on her.