The men you should never marry

Guy

The men you should never marry
If he has no friends, or if you can't see in him the qualities you want in your children, run
By Macleans.ca
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If love is blind, "marriage is like a trip to the optometrist's office," warns an 81-year-old priest from New Jersey in a new book for women designed to help them evaluate whether the man they're dating is marriage material. Up front, Father Pat Connor addresses those who might question his authority to speak on the topic. "You might be thinking, 'He's a priest. He's never been married,' and in that you would be correct." But, he goes on, "for over 50 years I have had the privilege of speaking with young women on the subject of whom not to marry. These women have opened their hearts and minds while bringing me their questions." Questions such as: "Is money really important in a marriage?" "Yes. Yes. Yes, to that one," he writes in Whom Not to Marry: Time-Tested Advice From a Higher Authority.

Remember, he writes, "You can be deeply in love with someone to whom you cannot be successfully married." If you're thinking love conquers all, "it doesn't," he writes. Top on his list is, "Never marry a man who cannot hold down a job." Then there's "never marry a man who has no friends."

When a portion of Father Pat's list appeared in the New York Times, a twice-married and divorced woman sent him her own version: "Never marry a man who is more affectionate in public than in private. Never marry a man who notices all of your faults but never any of his own. Never marry a man whose first wife had to sue for child support. Never marry a man whom your children don't like."

Father Pat advises women to take a year between the decision to marry and the wedding. "Use the engagement as a time to ask questions," such as, "What would I be glad to know about him that's impossible to know in the first few months of dating?"

He writes about one woman whose fiancé loved to shop for expensive clothes. "Then he wants to go to pricey restaurants to show them off," she told Father Pat. "I prefer eating at home and wearing my comfortable clothes. How can I change him to like the simpler life?" "Change him? Forget it! He's a bad risk for marriage. I'm afraid it's just that simple," Father Pat told her.

One of his must-haves is physical attraction. "There used to be, in one of the formulas used at weddings, a wonderful sentence that was said by each spouse in turn: 'With my body, I thee worship.' If you feel no physical attraction to him, don't marry him!"

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men should always marry