How to make the perfect custard tart
[size=1.125]Not to be confused with the Portuguese or French versions, this silky dessert in a crisp crust is a British classic. But should the pastry be enriched with sugar – and should your custard be made with cream or milk? 
Felicity Cloake’s perfect custard tart. Photograph: Felicity Cloake for the Guardian[size=5.25]D espite a rich history stretching back to Charlie Chaplin himself, the classic comedic custard pie is no laughing matter. Those thrown by Laurel, Hardy et al were, according to slapstick pioneer Mack Sennett, “full of a sort of paste and sticky stuff so that when they hit they didn’t splatter too much, but dripped nice and gooey”, while the favoured weapon of the Tiswas Phantom Flan Flinger seems to have, in fact, been coloured shaving foam (sorry, children of the 70s).Instead, we’ll be looking at the custard tart, which has a far longer – and dare I say nobler – pedigree, dating back at least to the 14th century, when a doucet (possibly containing minced pork or bone marrow, but a sweet custard pie nonetheless), put in an appearance at the coronation banquet of Henry IV. Not to be confused with the sweet, crisp Portuguese pastel de nata, or indeed the creme patissiere-filled flan nature favoured by the French, the similar tarts found in every high-street baker until relatively recently boasted a biscuity, shortcrust shell filled with a firm, distinctly eggy and only moderately sweet custard dusted with nutmeg. These days, like phone boxes and ready-salted Chipsticks, they’re harder to find – which is all the excuse I need to get the rolling pin out. 
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Jane Grigson’s custard tart. Photograph: Felicity Cloake for the GuardianThe pastryI reject any recipes calling for puff or flaky pastry on the grounds of their suspiciously foreign influence – shortcrust is the only thing good enough for my custard. (Also, Julian Baggini may know a lot about philosophy but I disagree with his claim that shortcrust is “less flavoursome” than puff and fails to “provide as much textural contrast with the smooth custard”.) Jane Grigson opts for a plain version in English Food; the Leiths Baking Bible, Marcus Wareing and Justin Gellatly a rich, sweet shortcrust with sugar and eggs; and Constance Spry recommends a pate brisee with so much water that I have to start again, while cursing the entire French nation she credits the recipe to. Wareing, who credits his recipe to his nan, baked custard tarts for the Queen’s 80th birthday banquet in 2006. He reckons that “crisp, melt-in-the-mouth pastry” is “the hallmark of this traditional English tart” – which seems to dictate a sweet pastry. Not only does sugar make pastry crisper, but it will also allow for a more subtly flavoured filling. 
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Marcus Wareing’s custard tart Photograph: Felicity Cloake for the GuardianHowever, his very rich, buttery pastry is incredibly fragile; I find Gellatly’s slightly more robust stuff much easier to work with. His advice “to let your pastry case get a little browner than you think it should be at the blind-baking stage” also proves invaluable. Many a great custard tart has been felled by soggy pastry, and Spry, who mysteriously does not suggest blind baking, and Grigson – who blind bakes hers but neglects to mention putting it back in the oven for a couple of minutes without the baking beans – both let themselves down here. It’s vital, when dealing with a filling as liquid as this, to prepare your pastry defences with meticulous care and to invest in an insurance policy of beaten egg for good measure. Wareing adds lemon zest to his pastry, which, lovely as it is, overpowers the flavour of the custard – Gary Rhodes’s grated nutmeg is a much more harmonious addition and allows for a double whammy of my favourite sweet spice. EggsThe base of every good custard, the superlative Bird’sexcepted. Rhodes, Gellatly and Wareing use yolks alone; Leiths whole eggs, and Grigson and Spry a mixture of the two. The more yolks, of course, the richer the colour and flavour of the result, but the proteins in egg whites will give the custard the firmer consistency I remember as the hallmark of the bakers’ tarts of my youth. A combination seems a wise compromise. Dairy
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