Divorce

sigh.
I felt like it's rather my own divorce than my parents.
in a way, i kept blaming that "why can't they just take care of it by themselves?"
in another way, I kapt telling myself to be grateful & just learn from it.
dam_!

I'm feeling melancholy again.
feeling inactive again.
now, whenever i think abt marriage, i don't feel any excitment...nor any sense of happiness.
rather, it seems meaningless.
now i totally understand why we hear this "marriage is just a sheet of paper & nth else" perspective on TV.
i ought to admit this is a very wise, yet, sad understanding...
& the worst is, i feel the same.
exactly the same.

isn't it naive to think that sheet of paper can offer you security in a relationship?!
isn't it naive to rely on it?
if there's possibility to end even u've been with that person forever then why bother?
& u have to go thru those "lai gum," meeting & pleasing the in laws...
but realize that in the end, u're just creating a chance to be disappointed... for urself.
i'd thought of getting married.
dreamed of having a family of my own
but now, i don't know.
i'm afraid of it.
i'm tired of it.
what does it mean by family when u became rivals with ur dad & the whole family who bare the same last name with you?
what does family mean when ur dad participated to emotionally torture u by hurting ur mom, by neglecting ur survival & turning himself into a cold-blooded beast?
what does it mean?
what is left with family?

sigh.
please, if anyone has a family or is going to have a family...
i beg u, please think for ur offsprings.
Please.

akshea

you are not alone honey. I am a part time wedding videographer  and I am starting to question on marriage and the whole wedding thingy. You have no idea how many times I am seeing people saying the wedding vows at a church without knowing what they were saying. They couldn't even pronounce the words. " In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live." I mean how difficult it is to learn the sentences. This is the vows that will marry the couple. It only takes them no more than 10 mins to learn these words. Yet, some people can just mumble through the words during the ceremony. They rather spend days, weeks, and months to shop for dresses, plan the games and practice their singing and dances as if they were having a mini concert. This is totally ridiculous. Sometimes it just makes me so depressed and feel sorry for the marrying couple when I see them at the church. Sadly, I don't think I can avoid it when I marry my future wife.
It feels more like an assignment for our parents and a show for the relatives and friends. Rather than a wedding ceremony for our  marriage.

LoRkz

Don't just look at the bad side...  Divorce could be a good thing.

My parents fight with each other every single day...my mom almost suicide once... I caught her in the balcaony.   They wouldn't divorce "just because of the kids".  But... are the kids really happy in this kinda family?  In fact,  I think I'd be happier if really got divorced... at least.. I won't see all the fighting, screaming and crying at home anymore.

what about living???
my case is diff. my mom wants to suicide coz of divorce...
& she has no one to take care of her...
she has no one to talk to.
she has no companian.
before, they always get in fights, too.
i'd tot abt it'll be much better if they're seperated
but now, i figured out... it's not a relief...
rather it's more like a torment

in ur case, yes. it would be a relief if they settle their properties so that both of them are able to survive.
but i don't know.
i'm not in ur shoes...
try to see what they argue for.. try to see if there's anything u guys can do to prevent them from arguing coz they still concern abt u guys...
but it's diff. my dad treats us as his enermy
& we didn't do anything.
=/
he just changed... & he ....... he treats us in the way he would treats enermies...
that's the one thing that hurts.
if parents are seperated but they still care abt their kids... & they still respect one another, i don't think it's that bad...
anyway.
the whole point of living is to be happy...
I appreciate ur comment.
I wish things will get better for your family.
I'll pray for you.

mcjohnjohn

why does your dad treat you as his enemy?
did he hurt you? If so, you should call cops.

thx.
he didn't physically...but i guess emotional wound counts.

i am really sorry to hear what has happened to your family. your mom must be very stressed and sad. she will need a lot of support from you.  show that you care and support her will brighten the situation a bit.  Some men (this does not applied to all men) are really cold-blooded and selfish.  there is no way to figure why and how they act that way. emotional torture is really painful, i had been there and i had been emotionally torture by the men i used to love. be strong.

from the girl that had just read this post.

fibbi

原帖由 akshea 於 2008-7-18 00:00 發表
you are not alone honey. I am a part time wedding videographer  and I am starting to question on marriage and the whole wedding thingy. You have no idea how many times I am seeing people saying the we ...

Well I believed I'm one of them...speaking so softly with the vow. But not all people are comfortable to speak up in public in ENGLISH too... And the wedding momemt is actually the most anxious/excited moment to speak fluently...so it may be not that people are not serious enough about the wedding vows...it's just the mixed feeling...if you understand what I mean.

Back to topic...I'm realy sorry to hear the situation...Eventhough I am married, I don't believe in the paper = marriage lifetime. Nothing can be life time guarentee now. Wedding to me is a way to get both party commited to TRY settle down and to organize a family (maybe with kids). But things do change. I have seen bad couple fighting each others so I do beleive that in that case divorce could be a better solution.

my oh my, how come I can't see your reply last night akshea?!
I'm very sorry about that.
indeed. the fact that "vows are meant to be broken..." breaks our heart and disappoint us
sigh... seeing ur reply is sort of a mixed feeling...
I kinda feel glad that there's someone who totally understand what my feeling is...
but on the other hand, i'd rather u to be those who still have faith in commitment.
=/
now i understand how it feels watching someone being sooo pessmistic...
i just hope u won't feel awkward with marriage... coz i did witness the good times my parents had...
last nigh, i was overwhelmed with the bad of marriage...but it's hard to not be overwhelmed by the present & possibly the future...
i cannot forgive my dad.
every single time i want to, there's something he does to tell me not to forgive him...
i don't know how can i do this?
i don't even know will my fear & terrible experience affect me when i were to start my own family...
i don't even know if it will affect my kids... that deep down they'll have a bad sense about family coz it's in me...
i'm confused & i'm ..........speechless...

but thank you for comforting...
u guys r really sweet.
i just want to come here to say something whenever i'm feeling depress...

fibbi> indeed... for those who involves violence... it hurts the marriage & the kids even more...
those that are happening in hk & the bin tai dad who kept his daughter down at the basement & rape her...
those one are even worst...
plus, now that my parents hated each other, it's better for them to seperate...
but the approach that my dad took totally ruined any chance of maintaining a good relationship with him...when he demonstrates zero humanity.
V_V
sigh. oh well.
the only thing I can do is to support my mom, emotionally & financially & learn from it.
my sis had already declared that she will not get marriaged & have kids...i guess she've seen enough of the ugly side...& had enough of it.

[ 本帖最後由 匿名 於 2008-7-18 13:10 編輯 ]

akshea

marriage is kinda stupid anyways... let say... a couple got married and then because of somethign they had to devorce. Yet, few years later and somehow they fall in love again. .do they get married again ?? is it a stupid thing to do to marry the same woman twice ?? ... the whole marriage thing is just making everything so complicated....