How do you trust someone again?

Pooner

*sigh*
Once the trust is gone... so goes the confidence... not a word from her mouth is 100% taken now... coz it might very well be another lie... i would like her give her another chance coz i love her to death... but the integrity is gone, and i don't know if that'll ever come back... so conflicting... i just see myself being hurt again...

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To my dear friend who just had a happy birthday, i know you're reading this... i would ask that you keep this posting to yourself (and no one else)... if you would like to know the full story, i would be more than happy to let you in on the entire story over a cup of coffee anytime...

Alcoholic

i would say 2 solutions:
-either time to wash it away for good
-time to regain the trust with prove

Pooner

i absolutely agree... or finish a bottle of JD first (which she gave me for birthday)... then blindly revisit the 2 options...

i just dunno... i hate to put a leash on her... it wouldn't be fun... i guess the problem is that she's not the clingy type... and even if i were to put a leash on her... what good does that do... as much as i hate to say it... i kinda feel that the magic is gone so to speak... umm...

WaruiOne

well, to trust her again, i am sure it'd take some time. if you really love her and want to give her a chance, i'd say you got to at least give her quite a bit of time, because it sure won't come back anytime soon.

if you don't think it is worth it, and you don't really love her, or you just don't think you can really ever trust her again, then just end it. cut clean now instead of dragging it any longer.

not sure what she did to you though, so it's hard to say. however, the best thing to do is probably to give it some thoughts first, and don't rush into a decision.

yungfourfour

It really takes time

but if you choose to forgive, don't even bother to mention it ever again.
and forgive her 100% otherwise.... Just break up now.
it's nearly improbable to do but yeah... don't fool yourself if you don't think you can do it

Pooner

quick and nasty version...
- she cheated on me...
- she wrote some nasty $hit behind my back...

i was very hurt... when i confronted her... she denied all those... then she finally came clean (after i hung up... and our common guy friend called her and convinced her to come clean)...

when i dumped her 3 times this weekend (Friday/Sat/Sun)... she was very apologetic... i was strong enough to say no all 3 times... but then she was bawling when i gave her her things back... and i caved in... she kept begging for a 2nd chance... i said i'll need 3-6 months to think it over... then my co-worker was like if you really want to give her a 2nd chance... you would fully know in a week's time...

she said she'll change... personally i don't know... i can only picture her cutting the relationship (instead of me) after 2/14... those "big" dates...

part of me wants to let the world know what she did to me... (plus her hidden problems) for the way she hurt me... part of me wants to help her with her problems... but by getting back at her... she won't ever trust me to allow me to help her with her problems... and then part of me believes that she'll really change this time (too damn naive)...

Alcoholic

she cheated, i think there's SOME chance of forgiving...for the sake of love.

BUT she back stabbed you, imo, i think you should just stand firm & dump her. 唔好講佢係你條女咁嚴重喇，就算basic d既關係，作為一個朋友，都唔會係你背後poke你啦。。。可防佢係係你條女~

as for her "personal problems"... depending how old you & her are, and how long you've been with her... you should know clear whether or not those problems will eventually be resolved~ cus' you know her well enough by now to make that judgement...

(but on the side: JD...?!?! for your birthday?!?! did she wanna get you drunk enough so you won't find out she cheated & back stabbed?   )

yungfourfour

Yeah

She cheated, but she didn't admit it
how much/how far do you think you can communicate/connect with her FOR LIFE?

Seriously, she still didn't cut off THAT relationshiP?
then how can you re-think about the relationship? how can you forgive her completelY?
there's no way.

Pooner

原帖由 Alcoholic 於 2007-12-18 19:25 發表
she cheated, i think there's SOME chance of forgiving...for the sake of love.

BUT she back stabbed you, imo, i think you should just stand firm & dump her. 唔好講佢係你條女咁嚴重喇，就算basic d既關係， ...

i just don't know... maybe i'm just blinded... i would do so much for her... but i don't sense anything in return... if i ask her to pickup some cough drops for me... she does it... but then she would bitch about it on her journal... ooookay...
every month, i would buy her gifts... yet she doesn't buy anything (which is okay)... but the real reason (written by her on her blog) was that she saw this as an empty investment... when i confronted her Sunday night... she said those were silly comments and she doesn't feel that anymore... (granted those were written 2mths ago)... i just don't know...
- love is blind... and Pooner is stupid...

Re: JD... she got that for me before we started going out... it was to ease my pain about becoming older... which i thought was kinda cute... drink my pain away... i guess time to break open that bottle now...

Pooner

原帖由 yungfourfour 於 2007-12-18 19:34 發表
Yeah

She cheated, but she didn't admit it
how much/how far do you think you can communicate/connect with her FOR LIFE?

Seriously, she still didn't cut off THAT relationshiP?
then how can you re-thin ...

what made me mad was that she's always unreachable... and then when i found out what happened... all the pieces felt into the right place... i think i'm definitely too weak and soft... i managed to dump her 3 times... yet she's able to make me swtich my final answer... and i'm way too optimistic in thinking thta i can change her ways... but deep down i know i can't... but i always have this small hope... that's coz i'm that type of person i guess...

i just see myself being hurt again... but seriously... part of me really really thinks that she'll change... but jeez... will someone please ship me off to an island where i can be isolated for a good few months to think clearly...