Some Tips On How To Behave In The Office Tips, The, Behave, How, Some

sonson411

1) Never walk without a document in your hands
   - People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the canteen. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night. thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2) Use computers to look busy
   - Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal email, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses.

3) Messy Desk
   - Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your desk, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4) Voice Mail
   - Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.

5) Looking Impatient and Annoyed
   - Always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

6) Leave the office late
   - Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk pass the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hour (eg. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc) and during public holidays.

7) Creative Sighing for Effect
   - Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

8) Stacking Strategy
   - It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best)

9) Build Vocabulary
   - Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you will sound impressive.

10) Have 2 Jackets
   - If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around elsewhere.

myversa

I agree to most of them, execpt these ones:

Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

If you sigh loudly, people know there must be something you cannot solve or have problem with.  You should show you are competitable to handle anything.

Always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

We should look patient when listening to the boss even we are busy.  If you look impatient, the boss might think you do not like his idea or listen to whatever he is saying.

utopia

LOL, So true~~~ hahaha, and that's exactly how all my co-workers are in our office........... except a few of us (sadly, Chinese).

Those management people stay behind to pretend they have stuffs to do just because we are still working after office hours.....

sonson411

原帖由 utopia 於 2007-12-7 09:28 發表
LOL, So true~~~ hahaha, and that's exactly how all my co-workers are in our office........... except a few of us (sadly, Chinese).

Those management people stay behind to pretend they have stuffs to d ...

I thought all these strategy is naturally inside Chinese... well... I've been doing every single stuff listed above it... except for leaving late.. i would but working time is set and i'll have to car pool with boss...

Pooner

haha... turns out i'm already doing most of them...

shutterbug

the 2 jackets one is funny...LOL

Littleprince

講得幾o岩﹐我有D同事真係這樣﹐不過我唔同意那些“扮勤力”招數﹐太假。

Alcoholic

I'm busy enough that i don't need to "act" busy....

ever since i started in this company, in every performance review, my boss tells me that i'm way overloaded...& she will try to take some off of my plate. but... as she is doing that for me, she gives me more sh!t to do. so it's like the slogan in another post: "take off a load, free you a load".

my desk is messy but organized.... it looks more like a fortress now with piles of sh!t waiting to be done.

i think, i'll try to use the "2 jacket" method & use it to leave early...hahahaha. but the "jacket method" will not work...cus my computer will be off...even if i leave it on, the energy saver screen will come on eventually.... hmm

notgoddy

So instead of sighing, you should be like "YEAH!" "YESSSSSSS!" or  "WOOOOT"

While talking to your boss, you should be polishing his shoes and give him positive feedback on his stupid ideas. Of course you would to disagree with him sometimes to let him know you know more then he does.

For everything else, there is Dilbert.

kingsway

Not only Chinese use these skills..
The Canadian lady in my office likes to use no# 5 & 7 all the time.
Really fake.. and very annoying.

But I still never work late unless I Have to.  I don't wanna spend over 8 hrs in office a day.  I need my life.