i agree that it's best to move out after marriage & not live with both sides of in-laws.
moving out is great because it's like a new step for married couple, which kinda "defines" the start of a "new family".
i did not give that kinda speech at my wedding because nobody wanted to do a speech from both sides of parents. only my hubby did a speech in general. imo, i think speeches as in "thanking in-laws for raising a good bride/groom" is sorta BS. to me, if you appreciate that person, you do it from the heart with action, rather than as "an highlight" of the wedding to show all the guests. even if people do mean the words of their speech, speaking is different from when you actually LIVE with that person AFTER that speech.
say real, my hubby told me just as we moved into our new condo last year...his mom "jokingly" suggested if she could move in with us!!!!!!!!  of course, my hubby turned her down "jokingly" lah... cus he can't stand living with her either... that's why he's been moved out for years~ i know that my lai-lai is very bored, & requires ALOT of attention & things to keep her busy. we always try to find time to eat dinner with her, ask her to come over for dinner... pui her eat lunch/ afternoon tea every week. other than that, we can't pui her much because she's not into shopping, walking (max walk 30 mins), crafts etc... other than play MJ & sit @ home watch tv all day. good thing she has a puppy to keep her busy... & she just needs to be out everyday...even if it means just for her to drive out to return borrowed DVD's for her TVB series.
i don't think it's a problem not really getting along with in-laws (in this case the lai-lai's) because even though if you inform your hubby, or find some friends to vent out, or even "sun" about it online like 華美子 is fine. at least we give our respect by not clashing with the lai-lai's directly & openly.
wife VS lai-lai:
this is because both women understands the hubby different things & different ways. both wife & lai-lai wants the best for the hubby AND the new family, that's why there's a problem. it's because women are one of the most important components that holds a family together. of course, some lai-lai's are very open-minded, treats the wife just like own daughter.... BUT i would say most "wife VS lai-lai" is caused by:
1. traditional subborn lai-lai VS contemporary thinking wife
2. high-maintainence wife VS neglected sticky lai-lai
in my case, it's more of a variation of the 1st option: the bored lai-lai VS the contemporary CBCish white-washed wife. 
it's not that me & my lai-lai have a major problem. just grains once in a while. trust me, i want to make things EVEN better, make her feel that i try to treat her like mom too. i want to do the stuff that i do with my mom, the jokes & dumb talks that i talk with my mom... but i can't do that to my lai-lai. cus my family runs "warmer" than his family.... but not that his family is not close & tightly bonded. it's just that the 2 COMMUNICATION for the 2 families are TOO different. for example, in my family, we have dinner together, family outings together (ex shopping, cooking, trips...etc). but in his family, under the same roof, everybody hides in their own room. my hubby moved out long time ago, & hubby's sibling is barely having dinner with lai-lai, probably like 3 times a week MAX. they don't even go out as a family & actually DO things together. how do expect 2 women to communicate well together, when we're from such different families?
the best way is to keep myself cool & calm & keep my mouth shut if something happens...just whine a bit to my hubby not to force him to do something, just to let him know jeh. my hubby knows that my lai-lai has communication problem.... many stories within their family, & even her friends/MJ friends. it's some things that will never change. as the young one, if i can yield to her, mai yield lor.... as long as i keep her happy, & that when i spend time with my lai-lai, we have a happy time. that's it. that's all she needs to be happy - someone to pui her, see her, call her out to let her know that i care for my lai-lai.
i think one problem that some LYK have here is that when there's a problem, you always try to fix it, solve it, do something about it. that's very logical...i'm like that too for some things too. but sorry peoples. that's not how this world runs. not every problem can be solved even if you wanna solve it. if everything can be talked out & solved, then this world woulda been such a happier place to be. this is call maturity. some things don't need to say out loud, you should know. everything doesn't have to be explicit. pushing it too hard is just testing your luck & sandwiching your hubby. if you want to be a smooth person with good relationships, you should know in your heart what kind of personality that other person have, & what's the best way to handle it. that's communication, & being able to observe/know that person well enough.
[ 本帖最後由 Alcoholic 於 2008-1-7 14:29 編輯 ] |
發表於 2008-1-7 12:10
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