tsumorichisato

I dunno if that's part of the "taken away", 99 will be jealous if she sees her son spends a lot on his wife based on the fact that the 99 is not the type who would spend $$ on herself.

Same logic applies to the time spending together. 99 again will not be happy if she sees her son spends a lot of time with his wife but never spends as much with her.

it depends on whether the young couple know how to treat 99 nicely sometimes so that she doesn't feel left alone.

I do heard some stories that  99 likes to 擺款 because she was treated badly by her 99 when she was young. YES, she is taking the revenge to her 新抱 when she finally gets a chance to do so.

princessmocha

I guess as long as don't live together should be ok? (They can treat each other more 客氣??)
A side question: Can daughter in law really treat her 99 as her own mother??

simplistic

原帖由 princessmocha 於 2008-1-7 19:19 發表
I guess as long as don't live together should be ok? (They can treat each other more 客氣??)
A side question: Can daughter in law really treat her 99 as her own mother??

I'd say no to the side question
Unfortunately I treat my 99 much much more courteous than how I treat my mom
With mom I can be very straight and critical since I know she'll understand me, afterall 生女唔知女心肝咩
If you seriously treat 99 exactly the same as your mother, which means you not only show her your good side but also your faults as well, and unless you deem yourself as 百分百24考乖女一名, you guys will definitely be acting out 野蠻99 pretty soon
There are definitely things such as emotions and actions that you will never display infront of 99
The lazy (lying on the sofa 攤屍), 任性, "black-face" side of me 99 will never see and is purely reserved for those who have watched me grown up in the house lol

Alcoholic

some lai-lai will think that the daughter-inlaw "stole" away her son
before, my lai-lai was the type that think the son likes to spend time & effort on the daughter-inlaw rather than on her. my hubby said that whenever he has a gf, his mom would be jealous.

so to make things better, before & after marriage, i always ask my hubby to invite lai-lai to come along whenever we go eat, nothing to do. even when i go home to my mom's place to cook dinner for my mom, i would sometimes invite her too. before marriage, i was pretty nervous about going out with lai-lai alone, or go with her to hang out with lai-lai's family. but one day, i thought to myself. if i really have to marry my hubby, i needa show some guts & care. so i started to date her out myself... not to be on her "good" side...but more like to try to get to know her better... know what she likes, what kind of attitude/habbits she has lor~ pretty freaky...but i still did it for the sake of better communication in our future.

i answer "no" to the side question too.
my mom knows  of my bad habbits...like my mom knows i like hard liquor & wine tasting etc... but to my lai-lai (& her family), i hide all of that. my mom understands... so even though i don't let her see the whole picture , i still let her take a tiny peek, because she is my mom, and no matter good or bad, i want her to know about me.  another reason why i keep my personal habbits/ likings away from my lai-lai is because her side of the family has WAY too many rumors & backstabbing. unfortunately, thanks to my hubby's good sibling, my lai-lai knows some of my nightlife. but even so, infront of my in-laws, i will be the nice, curteous, good manner, proper housewife, that works, cooks, loves her son, & do chores.

chunsh

原帖由 Littleprince 於 2008-1-7 18:30 發表
之前﹕相見如賓
而家﹔相見如冰



始終係老公個亞媽﹐有咩唔妥都會忍一忍算數﹐所以無咩衝突。。。我奶奶其實算容易相處﹐最鐘意就係她唔多管我們﹐最唔鐘意就係她 TOO TALKATIVE﹐同埋太鐘意講是非﹐唔多頂得順。 ...

when u said u dont like your Lai lai "最鐘意就係她唔多管我們﹐最唔鐘意就係她 TOO TALKATIVE﹐同埋太鐘意講是非﹐唔多頂得順", have u ever think about one day you will become the one what you 唔多頂得順 now??

nothing personal, just state the fact. When people getting old, they (we) will be become talkative, and in many cases, too talkative.

I still remember I blamed my uncles/aunties old schools like 10 yrs ago, but now, I am being thought to be old school, and I still not reaching 30

Ultraman

Not some "lai-lai" are difficult to deal with; but some "外母" are also very difficult to deal with! Some "外母" think their daughters' husbands always "蝦" their daughters in a regular basis... !

SAZABI

原帖由 Ultraman 於 2008-1-7 23:28 發表
their daughters' husbands always "蝦" their daughters in a regular basis... ! :tk ...

I admit that...

AmericanBeauty

Just a heads up, the following strategy I employ is not the best strategy ever, but so far it has do me a lot of good: don't date guy where his mother is "around" (in the many ways you can interpret this word).  I've dated two guys whose mothers had passed away (sorry for their losses 'cause their mom was not actually very old), and one guy whose mother is not in Canada.  It is hard enough to adjust your life to accommodate a guy, I am not even going to believe that it is possible for me to get alone with every single one of his family members.  All I can do is to treat them with the greatest respect and keep a reasonable distance to avoid friction.  At a subconscious level, I am drawn to guy who has a "mom-free" life style because he is less likely to ask me to live with his parents if we shall ever get married.  Even at the dating stage, he is probably not going to ask me to see his family a whole lot.  In the odd situations that I do have to deal with his family, I usually manage it pretty well.  The "lai-lai" issue has always been something that I take into consideration at the dating stage because I know having the wrong "lai-lai" could potentially ruin a marriage.  You can choose the guy, but you can't choose his family.  >_<  Eventually, future "lai-lai" is going to get old and I will probably have to help my future hubby to fulfill his responsibility as a son.  But until that time comes, I will try to keep myself sane so I can be at my best when I do have to be with "lai-lai" under the same roof.  Enough of my BS.

Speaking of getting along with "lai-lai," Echo Chan (三毛) talked about her experienve with her mother in law in one of her books (I think it is 《稻草人手记》).  It's a very interesting read and I recommend it to every Chinese housewives.

blueprint

原帖由 chunsh 於 2008-1-7 23:23 發表
when u said u dont like your Lai lai "最鐘意就係她唔多管我們﹐最唔鐘意就係她 TOO TALKATIVE﹐同埋太鐘意講是非﹐唔多頂得順", have u ever think about one day you will become the one what you 唔多頂得順 now? ...

I think you're right.  More to this point, just as they are 鐘意講是非, aren't we not doing the same sometimes by talking bad things about people on the internet?