ayako

one comment, too many line ends with 妳, it gets repetitive..
ACC-HE 發表於 2012-6-6 10:18

謝謝你的意見呀~~
可能因為用左個 "你" 字韻啦,
同埋副歌果句長句有幾個"你"字係增加氣勢的~
不過你都講得有道理的, 謝謝你有用心看, 用心留評~

ACC-HE

還令我尷尬得不知怎給妳反應 =>
還令我忐忑不知該怎去作反應

That's would be how I'd feel if I'm the guy. 忐忑. haha.. well, unless the girl was super ugly, then that could be embarrassing too.
update: oh, just realized you were answering the （上）... nvm

ACC-HE

"別要寫我不要聽　我不看妳日記"
this line is a little weird to me... the whole stanza was strong, other than this line.

Overall, the wordings of this 'dude' is... a whole bunch of whining!   Can kind of feel the lyrics was written by a female writer.

ayako

哈哈~~~~ 很有趣的評價~~ 非常感謝你呀~~~
日記果句呢, 其實係想話, 個女仔會寫好多blog 呀, update 好多status 呀, 都係關於個男仔, 咁個男仔當然唔領情亦唔想再見到啦~ 係呀~ 上下集係有呼應的~~

可能我未好可以代入到男性觀點, 又或者你先入為主知我係女仔, 所以就覺得似係女仔寫既歌~~ 不過唔緊要, 我會繼續努力練習的~~ 謝謝你哦~ ^^

ACC-HE

Honestly I don't know if you're a girl or not since your username is unisex.  So no, it wasn't 先入為主.

I understand, the meaning of 日記果句, but it's like... oh don't write, I don't read.  Then if you don't read, why would you care if I write, kind of thing.  Also, the sound of that line is not as strong relative to the rest of the stanza.

Well, the song is a whiny song to begin with... so not really your fault.
If I were to think of how to improve it, I'd work on the tone and express the true feeling of the guy, with less whining.

ayako

哈~ 我個名係日文, 一睇就知係女仔~~ (不過我明你意思)

咁通常男仔係會點諗既呢...?
我有少少覺得佢地只係會唔理個女仔, 未必有好多言論想發表...