utopia

I don't think $$$ can buy a girl heart but being financially stable is a bonus.
You don't want to marry a guy that have tons of loans and you will be afraid a "dai yi lung" will pop out of nowhere and ask you for money right?

However, doraemon1002, you are making the same mistake that my ex did to me.
Same with you, he used money to buy my heart which fail and I ended up run away. I know he is a good guy and he truly loved me but I don't want him just to buy me everything.

Material is not everything to me. I wished that he can spend time listening to me. I wished that we can have long talk about future instead of making stupid jokes that are meaningless (saying that doesn't mean I don't appreciated him, I know he was trying to make me smile). I don't need to exchange gifts. I wished he can handmade gifts to me or write me love letters. I wished he can beside me when I need help, so I don't have to run to my brother or other friend for help.

You see the different? Sure he is more financially stable than my caveman. He doesn't even need to worry about his future as he was just waiting for his mom to pass the restaurant to him in a few years. BUT, that's not what I want.....

doraemon1002

For now, i will continue my two job's life.

Thank you everyone.

I learned a lot from this failure relationship.

Yes, I have been working 70hrs a weeks for two years, I am just like a money making machine.

It is what my ex called me when we were arguing.

No life, no fds, lost the ability to smile, be happy.

It is because i am just too tired to enjoy the things around me.

In my mind, i always think you need to be financailly ready if you want to get married, right?

or when we are in a relationship, people will save money together?

celeron_266

原帖由 doraemon1002 於 2008-1-10 11:57 發表
I really like her. She wasn't like this when we met.

My fds said it is because I was too nice to her. Bought her whatever she wanted.

I spoiled her to the point that, if i spent 100$ on myself, she  ...

has she ever worked?....she should be able to buy the stuff that she wants

n my mind, i always think you need to be financailly ready if you want to get married, right?

or when we are in a relationship, people will save money together?

yes...but not by killing yourself man

and yes we save money together (but of course it will be nice if i...the guy...am able to pay most of the stuff)...

man...you sure have a tough life...maybe you should quit your PT cuz now you have some money to spare....i am sure even without your PT....you savings will pile up pretty quickly...

[ 本帖最後由 celeron_266 於 2008-1-10 13:01 編輯 ]

yungfourfour

Hm.... Life is too short to trade your happiness with money.

I respect that you have two jobs, and I respect you decided to break up with that girl if you see that she's not the one for you.  Just don't sacrifice them for the sake of being financially secure because in the end you want to share your harvest with the upcoming lucky girl.

I worked 2-3 jobs before without a vehicle, I am happy ga.  Now I am about to leave them all behind and come back(I just got another promotion last week), I am still happy.  Keep who you are as you proceed towards your goals, and be happy.

I agree that a couple should share the same goal and somehow being financially secure before they get married..... but there's nowhere to pin the "READY" point in the timeline.... you know.

"big have big spend, small have small spend"
If your wife-to-be can't make a lot, then you pay major stuff (e.g. mortgage) and she pays minor stuff (groceries + heat) lor

If you both can make more, then make the bills more even, save more and spare some for annual vacation lor.

and save / plan for kids when you two spent enough " 2 people world" time ....etcetc....

As long as you & your wife-to-be are happy jau duc

[ 本帖最後由 yungfourfour 於 2008-1-10 13:08 編輯 ]

doraemon1002

My Ex just called me, but not much to say.

I got promotion a few months ago too, but i was not happy.

I was joking with my fds, when you lost the ability to be happy, it is the hardes thing to get back.

I will consider doing less hrs for my p/t and get ready for a new relationship.

Quest

That is something that you just have to strike a balance somewhere along the line.

IMHO 70 hrs is a bit too much, unless you can endure the suffering of sleeping 5hrs a  nite to make up for the time necessary for maintaining relationships. IF you are still young then you shall have no problems in doing so. Me? My aching, old body is betraying me whenever I work close to 70hrs, so I'm now doing between 55 to 60hrs max in 2 jobs. (my 2nd job is flexible, just work from home).

$$ can buy you a lot of things indeed but if you have a goal and you are working hard to achieve that goal (like financial independence, house/apartment, etc.) in preparation for your living further down the road, any GF shall at least learn to understand and appreciate your effort in laying down a better future for the 2 of you, period.

When you are young and vibrant, work hard and study hard and try to climb up the stairs of financial independence, when you get older, you'll appreciate your effort as you grow old. I missed portion of my youth when I should have struggled harder to achieve a higher financial goal, and now I'm sort of paying the price (my family isn't starving to say the least, but it would be much better off if we can lay down a more solid long-terms plan). I'm planing on working until 70yrs old, and my son is independent enough to go after his dreams...I'll then retire and die...

Q-TD

doraemon1002

Yes, i told my ex i am working hard for our future. I know i don't have enough time for her, please be understanding.

But her point is that i am not able to make her happy today, how could i make her happy in the future? and how does she know that the money i save is for her?

Quest

doraemon1002: I would respond back to her and sez: what do you mean by "happy"? Define!

If all she could mention was nothing short of materialistic stuff, then she is just naive and shallow-minded. I would have no problem dumping her right on the spot (I would be so pissed).

$$$ can buy steadiness in life and living so not enough $$$ may become an issue further down the road (everything down one's life costs $$, you and I both know that), so when reality settles in after romance, life is nothing but reality filled with cruelness ....so if she cannot accept the fact that you are working hard to build a house, a future and a family to settle into, she will never get it.

Move on bud, don't look back. Life can be short and worthless if you keep on dwelling on the same gf w/o any future plans and such...

(*mind you tho: it took me 5 yrs after marriage before we decided to have kids...that's all about planning you know*)

Quest-TD

shutterbug

I have a different view.  I think your gf's complaint is fair.  Think about it, if my bf works 80 hours a week for 2 straight years, haha...I think I'll raise this concern too.  Females have a different mentality and they're not as rational as males.  They're more emotional.  When in time she needs you and you're not around, what's the point of having you?  No matter what you say...for our future blah blah blah is pointless because at that moment you're not there for her, and this is still a bf-gf relationship, not even husband-wife yet.  What do you think she will imagine if you guys got married?  Things could be much worse.  I don't know the details but I don't think she's without a point.

How much money is enough?  What's your plan?  Like someone said here, if you plan to concentrate your youth into making money first, then just make money and don't start any relationship until you have some time to spare.  Otherwise, chances are you'll end up like this over and over again.

doraemon1002

Was it a mistake to end this relationship?

But it is too late to make changes now.