Maybe from the very beginning, you (and your husband) have no patience to find a good way to communicate with her lor. Imagine, if your mother-in-law is also a LYK member, what would she say about you? And what would she feel about what you said?
speaking to lai-lai openly is SUICIDAL!!!!!!!!!!! 傳統老人家係講威嚴，輩份，面子。只要佢出發點係為D后生既好，就係道理. 佢地就算身體差左，有病，都要"死頂"。唔係因為要面，係要比我地D后生既知到，佢地仲啪得住我地，仲有能力來教導&照顧我地。it is impossible to give them new ideas or comments (such as 華美子's lai-lai's cooking) because in their minds, they will think: "i'm so old & so successful at raising up my own child, why the hell is my method wrong?"
it's not just 婆媳 problem. the main problem behind it is generation gap.
as the seniors age, their "fire" will die down.
eventually they will die too.
how many years do you have to 孝敬 your own grandparents or the in-laws that raised your beloved other half?
in a way, if you think like this, it will make you feel better: "suck it up as appreciation to the ones that gave life to your beloved partner"
if it wasn't for them, you wouldn't have love the attributes of your other half. they are the people who made what you love most.
i remember before we got married, my lai-lai accidentally did somethings that pissed me off to the MAX. i know she didn't mean it, & i dont wanna b!tch it out because it's not really her fault/intension. i know that even if you understand their intension, it's hard to accept because you're pissed. just hide, & calm down...brainwash yourself with their "intended good cause" lor....hahahhahaha aiiii~
you know, when my mom go back to hk, she try to hide from my 嬤嬤 too ga~ she has bad arthritis, yet she insists to go shop with us for hours! if you tell her to go home herself in afternoon (eat lunch, walk 1 hr), & tell her that we will go home to pick her up for dinner, she will still refuse yet, she does not enjoy shopping with us because of course, what we shop is not suitable for her...she just sits & fall asleep worse, when we dinner with my aunt/uncle, or some other family friends, my 嬤嬤 will kinda "um"比人聽，話我地行8個鐘，行到佢隻腳好痛...of course, it was intended for us to hear it la... aiiiii but even so, we still let her follow...because we made a very nice offer that doesnt make her feel that we're ditching her, she turned it down. & we know we only go hk every few years, so she just wanna see us as much time as possible...
For your curiosity, I am married, and I have my matters to due with old people (including my own parents) too.
Maybe you are the type who would concern the "qualification" of other people giving advice, haha. (I won't mind at all.) So maybe you won't take advice from unmarried social worker, haha?!
And according to your posts, you didn't seem like a mature mother to have a baby too, haha. (j/k)
Trust me, to hide or escape is not the best and most efficient way to solve problems!
Yea, she's leaving tomorrow; but how about she comes visit you 6 moths later, next year... ?? The same old problem is still there!
原帖由 yayaya 於 2008-1-4 21:38 發表
hahahaaa,,it's funny...
but I think every woman wants her family members to eat what she cook
That's funny! Somehow I think you are right though. Moms has the basic instincts to stuffed people up. My mom stayed over after my first son's birth. She cooked and cooked, but our food tastes were just too picky to like her cooking. Well, of course we would still eat as much as we can. Sometimes I would offer to cook, saying "I don't want you to work so hard".
Many issues don't consist "right" or "wrong" answers. Just like if your mother-in-law cooks meat but you are a vegetarian, the questions might be: "What's wrong for I cook meat?" and "What's wrong for I didn't eat meat?" There should be no judgment for who is right or who is wrong, it's exactly about "communication" and "respect".
To tell the mother-in-law you (and maybe include your husband and her own husband too) don't like her food, might not necessary mean her cooking skill sucks. It's just up to personal taste and need. To accept other's difference is the first step and correct way in communication. Remember, different from you doesn't mean wrong! And if the mother-in-law is too old and too stubborn to understand, it's your responsibility to explain to her in patient. Things always won't happen like what you're dreaming of. You prefer: your mother-in-law enjoys cooking "fear factor's food" to you, or she forces you to cook for her every meal?
Pleasant and successful communication needs techniques.
發表於 2008-1-4 22:09
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yet, she does not enjoy shopping with us because of course, what we shop is not suitable for her...she just sits & fall asleep 
worse, when we dinner with my aunt/uncle, or some other family friends, my 嬤嬤 will kinda "um"比人聽，話我地行8個鐘，行到佢隻腳好痛...of course, it was intended for us to hear it la... aiiiii 
but even so, we still let her follow...because we made a very nice offer that doesnt make her feel that we're ditching her, she turned it down. & we know we only go hk every few years, so she just wanna see us as much time as possible...
! But what you said "佢地就算身體差左，有病，都要"死頂"", I totally understand!