utopia

The other night caveman ask me this question.
Am I really ready to be with him for the rest of my life?

Because if I choose to be with him, I'm gambling my future with him. That's mean I cannot expect to be like a normal girl out there.  I have to work hard on my career and sacrifices a lot.  I cannot be the spoiled crying baby anymore and be very responsible and plan few steps ahead on every decision.... and expected the worse.

utopia

原帖由 kaimui22 於 2008-5-22 09:47 發表
utopia:

so...what will happen to the restaurant 5 years down the road when you want to move back to Vancouver? Are you just gonna shut it down? Moving down to the states, opening up a new restaurant  ...

About the restaurant, we will leave the restaurant to his uncle. If his mom choose to stay at the states, she can stay. If not, she can choose to come back to Vancouver with us.

To be selfish or for her own good, we seriously think she should move back to China alone. There, she will be happier than stick with us as we both are very ambitious about our future and career. We won't have spare time for family time for her which will make her extra lonely. And it's doesn't matter we are in Vancouver or in the states or in anywhere on the earth.

The other night, caveman drove me for snack and we have our usual talk about life and future....when he got home. He felt sadden but also annoying, that his mom just
sat at sofa alone and not doing anything at all.  Not watching TV, not talking on the phone not doing housework... just nothing and stare at the window ...with an empty eyes...... Then, he talked to his mom in a soft tone... what makes her to be so lonely? Why can't she improve her life, instead of sitting there and do nothing.. Then her mom uses her usual tone and style "What? I'm not lonely, I'm just tired and just done a lot of housework"

Ai....... his mom just won't admit she has problems...and won't try to address it.... IF she can change her attitude towards friends and others, she won't be that lonely.....


Ai...and with his uncle just passed away, his mom has been murmuring to caveman that if caveman died, she will go suicide...........

utopia

原帖由 Alcoholic 於 2008-5-22 09:36 發表
maybe i'm just too family orientated... this is in a way how us Twin different. I would totally be up to do wild crazy partying & scary actions. but when it comes to career VS family, i guess i would  ...

Twin,

I'm very family oriented person too but.. reality is reality.
It sounds cold blooded but I don't want to follow caveman's mom ---fate.

His mom is too family oriented to an extreme that lead her to lose everything in her life. I'm not kidding you. The more I listened to his mom history, the more I feel chilled because that sounds too much like me....

I guess I will give up on my dream for my family if I choose a "husband" that have well financial support. But, .. I choose a man who has absolute no family support ....and if I want a middle class, or above middle class life... I have to give up my family...

put it this way, I'm very attached to my family that I would rather ditch my friends and my other half, in order to spend time with my family... but at the end,  I still have to struggle to get what I want.

I know it's my fault that I gave up my education opportunity in the past. And now that education fund goes into my parent's retirement fund. My brother, on the other hand, has full support from my parents. He got his education and also help on down payment, and his wedding (not 100% but more than 50% la)...

In my case, I have to save for my education now (which is my fault). .. save for my
wedding and save for my future down payment....

so if I continuous my habit on attach to my family, end up.. I probably get nothing  or too late to regret....

sometimes, when my sister-in-law comment on us, I feel so sour because she thinks that I'm the only one who save for the future and cavemen contribute nothing ... but I'm too tired to argue with her and my brother because I know what I am doing.... and I don't want to make it ugly...

Ultraman

utopia, "he has absolute no family support"??! Hmm... couldn't he really do something ar?

kaimui22

原帖由 utopia 於 2008/5/22 10:46 AM 發表


About the restaurant, we will leave the restaurant to his uncle. If his mom choose to stay at the states, she can stay. If not, she can choose to come back to Vancouver with us.

To be selfish or f ...

So....either way, I still think opening a restaurant with such little experience is too much of a risk. Especially if you're just gonna let everything go and come back in 5 years. Opening a restaurant in the states is not going to solve any issues...it's not going to make tonnes of money for you, nor is it going to deal with Caveman's mom. It sounds more like a 拖得就拖 situation..and HOPEFULLY caveman's mom will decide to stay in the states and look after the restaurant.

So what happens if you move to the states, open a restaurant, make OKAY $$ and then come back to Van? What will happen to you and Caveman if his mom decides to give up the restaurant and move back to Vancouver with you and him? How can you be sure that the money you have earned in the states will be enough for you to buy a house in Vancouver in 5 years? Also...5 years, A LOT can happen. what if you have a baby? Then that means a 3 bedroom house will not be big enough for you, caveman, his mom and kid(s). Then you will probably need to look for a 4 or 5 bedroom house in Vancouver...and you're going to come back here with the same issues as now...the housing market, no matter how bad it goes down, it will not be below the averages you see now. In 5 years, a $800 000 house now might still cost $800 000. Just because the market is going down doesn't mean the prices will. And in 5 years, where will the inflation be?

I still think it's too much of a gamble to take right now...and also, even if Caveman can 'predict' the future market trends, I still think it is too dangerous to assume everything will be fine according to plan. There are many roadblocks in life that you cannot expect. Your plan assumes everything will be fine, everyone will be healthy and OK...but you need to think about possible roadblocks and accidents that may happen along the way.

And the thing you said about Caveman's mom being lonely and depressed...I think she needs a bit more attention right now, especially since her brother died. Maybe she's worried she'll lose Caveman to you and that is why she is holding on to him like a lifeboat.

katamari

Utopia, I truly understand your feelings but your logic is kinda messy maybe you just think too much.


If you are planning to spend only 5 years in the states I don't think it's a good decision to open a restaurant. To establish a business, it is going to be a very long term investment and there are risks behind, especially the restaurant is going to be in Texas where you know nothing it, marketing will be difficult. My uncle is a real example, gave up his job in San Francisco and opened a restaurant is a small town in Ont, invested like 90% of his asset, finally... close down in 1 year, now back to San Francisco, BROKE.

If you 2 have good educational background, you should look for a job if you are only targeting on money.

I am not discussing going to States or not at this point, there must be too many questions on your head, you're thinking too much la, don't make up too much plans at once la. Good luck!

Alcoholic

Twin,
you can ask me about anything anytime you want... whether it's time or not, we can still mo-liu chat about things  

if you have a cruise wedding, of course i'll try my very best to make it (even if hubby can't make it....hehehe ) i already missed that xmas eve cruise with you, i surely don't wanna miss your wedding cruise!! but we can't party TOO hard because afterall, it's YOUR WEDDING dammit! LOL. but i think caveman has no right to monitor a stag night of partying when it's not gonna have accurate observations right? HAHAHAHAHAAH

about restaurant:
knowing how to cook well & cooking COMMERCIALLY is TWO different stories. when you are pressed for time & is making mass repeated production, it doesn't matter how good you cook leisurely.

i think you should just take it easy...BOTH of you. you guys plan TOO MUCH DETAIL for the future. & it doesn't work like that cus future is an unknown factor. one lil change & it will throw you off your detailed plan, & thus you'll feel frustrated. so just plan a rough timeline & highlighted goals... the rest, you really need to go by the chinese saying "see step walk step".

& if you really consider a "backup plan", how will it fit within that detailed "future proposal"? so just relax & look at the NEAR future in front of you. when you're in serious relationship, EVERY woman gambles their future. about how you say you need to "sacrafice alot, work hard etc etc to be with him"... think about it this way: are YOU happy like that? just because he's so aggressive, doesn't mean YOU have to be that way in order to BE WITH him. if he expects that from you, do you think by doing that for him will really create a HAPPY future? think on happiness, rather than always financially ok? that's the #1 point to BE WITH SOMEBODY ---> happiness & COMFORTABLE COMPATIBLE LIFE.

about the mom problem, there's is nothing that can change her way of thoughts & attitude. just like our old long LYK C9 post. you just gotta try your best & suck it up.

being with a man that has no family financial support is fine. as my hubby said to you today at lunch, aside from hard work it's about fate too. there's no guarantee for life. even if you guys both have a good job, & end up making good $ later, doesn't mean by the time you retire you'll still have decent money left. so in a way, it makes no difference.

i agree you don't need to explain so much to people... as long as your close friends understand you is ok. at least me & my hubby both feel that caveman is a great guy, great friend & treats you his very best, & will give you what he has everything...

RELAX

katamari

having a good friend like alcoholic is fortunate, utopia, I am sure your twin will miss you a lot if you leave Vancouver

Alcoholic

yeah... how can i go to work with no lil piggy Twin to stuff up with my snacks?!
2 WHOLE weeks with no Twin in the office, no Twin during weekend, no Twin on LYK, no Twin on facebook, no Twin on the phone

utopia

原帖由 Alcoholic 於 2008-5-22 20:31 發表
yeah... how can i go to work with no lil piggy Twin to stuff up with my snacks?!
2 WHOLE weeks with no Twin in the office, no Twin during weekend, no Twin on LYK, no Twin on facebook, no Twin on t ...

TWIN,

LOL, don't worry. I'm gonna bring a laptop with me to Montreal. So I will be a low life and stuck on LYK, facebook & msn & phone everyday after 4:30 for two weeks...

Well, I will study my accounting gei but it's gonna be very boring just me in the hotel room alone ~~

You know what ? I'm still struggling should I visit the club scenes but I don't want to run into some psycho and chop me into millions pieces like the 16 years old in HK .. wuahahhaahha

I haven't learn your fish and ditch skill yet mah, so I highly doubt can I fish an ditch alone there lor