華美子

唔好意思，我唔係講邊個，只係有Ｄ唔係好明，如果呢度有Ｄ老友記叫老友記C9反省下要忍氣吞聲要盛，但係句句都同老友記師奶頂，自己都忍唔到又點解叫人忍？我指既係我之前開個 thread 入面既 case。

Alcoholic

big tooth:

- don't always think that when there's a conflict it's the other party's fault. keep minds open
Very true
(complaining/whining/venting does not mean automatically the fault is blame on the other party)

- try talking it out, make effort to solve it both sides
No, I actually think it's the son's (husband's) responsibility to solve the problems
(icic...)

- don't talk behind one's back
No.  The point is we often do the same things that we complain about others, it just might be in a different form.
(we understand, and some lai-lai's probably vent to her C9 friends about us too. but as we can see here, i don't complain that my lai-lai is more honger traditional than i am, and of course, Yui, 華美子, utopia does not collect recycle-able items in bulk, nor reuse food wraps etc. so imo in this thread's case studies, we did not reciprocate the same thing in different form.)

- some people here not not accepting advice & some negative comments
More like dismissing others as inexperienced and not understanding
(the C9's here are sharing each other's experiences, examples. so how can we dismiss/reject other's understanding? i'm sure you're just as experienced too. it's just that the only thing you're not an experienced at is being C9, because you are not one, & will never be one. no offence or sexist intended.)

- we don't understand/think for the lai-lai's side
In some cases, yes.  Or we think we do but really don't.
(if then... see the one below)

- you like how your wife is not "comforting" herself, but rather "try to understand" the other person.
Try to understand is right.  My wife is just an example.
(even if you & your wife tries to understand, then trying is all that matters if the above is true. so i think all the C9's here, including your wife did try, but "in different form" as you put it)


- if we "suen" & smile/act like nothing happened, then vent out on internet is not sincere
If I act like I'm happy, forcing myself to smile etc.  I definitely think so if that person I'm doing it to is supposed to be close to me.
(from my reply before, then what would your suggestion be? be sincere, & give your real face & emotions, & see where it will take the problem? or keep quiet & be not sincere, & take into consideration of the other party as you "try to understand" the situation? there's nothing wrong with you feeling a close person acting that way is being not sincere...but as a person giving us C9's some constructive criticism, you still haven't answered which advice to give)

- illogical will become logical when one day you finally understand & feel for the comment that the other person made about you
Not sure I understand it right.  My point is illogical to you might very well be logical in reality (and I must emphasize the MIGHT).
(define reality. reality as in "the other party"? reality as in "the majority 3rd party"? or did i miss an possible answer here? as for logical... the only "true logic" is to lower the problem/damage as close to 0 as possible. so i guess...that statement doesn't make sense or "logical" itself)

[ 本帖最後由 Alcoholic 於 2008-1-10 15:48 編輯 ]

big_tooth

(complaining/whining/venting does not mean automatically the fault is blame on the other party)

Agree, but there is no conflict with what I said.

(we understand, and some lai-lai's probably vent to her C9 friends about us too. but as we can see here, i don't complain that my lai-lai is more honger traditional than i am, and of course, Yui, 華美子, utopia does not collect recycle-able items in bulk, nor reuse food wraps etc. so imo in this thread's case studies, we did not reciprocate the same thing in different form.)

Just as an example, some of us don’t like some people being “long tongue”, but I know most of us also talk to friends or family and on the internet about what person “a” did what to person “b” etc etc.    Or another example, I don’t like people giving me the “black face”, but I actually giving those people the “black face”.  It’s just something for us all to think about.

(even if you & your wife tries to understand, then trying is all that matters if the above is true. so i think all the C9's here, including your wife did try, but "in different form" as you put it)

I don’t think one can draw the conclusion that trying is all that matters.  Just as華美子’s case, her mother in law was just trying to cook a meal for them, what is the problem?  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying bad cook isn’t a problem.

(from my reply before, then what would your suggestion be? be sincere, & give your real face & emotions, & see where it will take the problem? or keep quiet & be not sincere, & take into consideration of the other party as you "try to understand" the situation? there's nothing wrong with you feeling a close person acting that way is being not sincere...but as a person giving us C9's some constructive criticism, you still haven't answered which advice to give)

I must say I’m caught in a catch 22 here.

(define reality. reality as in "the other party"? reality as in "the majority 3rd party"? or did i miss an possible answer here? as for logical... the only "true logic" is to lower the problem/damage as close to 0 as possible. so i guess...that statement doesn't make sense or "logical" itself)

Reality as in facts, action completed.  Hmmm, so if the mother in law is trying to reduce a perceived damage to zero then her action is “true logic” right?  I guess I don’t understand who and how “true logic” was defined.  I thought logic is not an action.

big_tooth

原帖由 Yui 於 2008-1-10 09:54 發表
big tooth, sorry I did not read every posting of yours but it seems like you are annoyed with daugthers in-law whining at public forum, correct?

May I know why does that bother you? Is it immoral or ...

Yui, don't worry about it, I don't mind your questions at all.  Afterall, it's an open discussion here.

In this thread, most of you guys choose to post the wife's POV (and I totally understand why), I just happened to have chosen to see it from the mother-in-law's POV.  When you say you think a wife is doing the best she could, I actually see the mother-in-law is doing the best that she could (given the situation).  Without going into details, I honestly felt bad for the inlaws in some cases.

I have no problem with people discussing problems in pubic forum.  When we vent, be prepare to hear different POV, supportive comments and some non-supportive comments, and really be careful what we say here.  When people bring up stuff about others that have absolutely no impact to them, then it becomes gossip, and sometimes these gossip could be harmful, even when you think no one knows you on the internet.

What you said about your in-laws I don't think is gossip as their lifestyles affect you deeply.  I can understand you want to make it better for yourself, or simply want to vent about it.  But unless they also don't like that lifestyle or it's a health issue, otherwise, it really is an improvement for your own sake, not for them.  They're not wrong or bad, just different.

Yui

big-tooth, 其實有你參與這個topic真係幾有意思,因為你既身分既係老公又係仔,而你太太又能與奶奶相見好,同住又好. 你簡直是萬中無一的幸運兒. 你既觀點有一定參考的價值.

但請你也能用你的同理心在我們這班師奶的角度想一想,我們幾個lyk師奶理面,所分享的事件中,有那件你認為我們處理的手法是錯的呢?如果有,你是否有更理想的應對方法呢?
請你賜教两招,我想大家都一定會歡迎.交流一下相處心得,都無壊ㄚ. 這才算是constructive criticism. Right?

E.g. 華美子說﹔「我聽日想食麵，因為想食Ｄ濕野，我會自己煮啦。」

我覺得這樣說法沒有不妥的地方，你卻認為.....

“The problem here is that you said you will cook yourself.  This clearly telling her that her cooking sucks.  This is not good even if said in a nice tone of voice. “

甘應該點做點講先alright 呢?

老公夾在中間難做人; 其實做老婆又何尚吾係?我係呢到所說關於我奶奶既某ｄ事連我老公我都吾講，係吾想拒難做．如果連在網上都吾能夠吐下苦水．講出心個句，真係要對住個洋娃娃說嗎?　甘咪人都癲?

如果你覺得我們以新抱身分和角度在網上論壇討論婆媳相處是不對的,又認為舉例說明等同'講是非'，得罪講句，我覺得你幾大男人．

[ 本帖最後由 Yui 於 2008-1-10 21:07 編輯 ]

blueprint

都是彼此交流不同的心聲和意見而已，不是甚麼「頂師奶」啦‧   在這個公開論壇，任何人都有發言權吧‧ 況且Katamari 出題不只是問做新抱的，還有問做老公的聽到老婆話自己阿媽或者阿媽數自己老婆又會覺得點‧ 所以有與所謂師奶論不同的聲音很正常吧‧

你之前開個 thread 入面既 case 當然建議你去忍，以免爆發家變!  

從你說奶奶的種種，不好意思，我覺得她好可憐‧因為看來看去她勞心勞力一心去幫你們，換來是這樣的氣氛‧ 雖然，我體諒你甚麼坐月，甚麼憂鬱症； 但坐完了，沒有憂鬱了，訴苦之餘，我絲毫感受不到你對她有甚麼感激‧ 好，就說感激這個感覺很被動的，那在訴苦之餘放了個「我奶奶癡了線」的標題‧很誤導人嘛!  我會覺得你沒有這個誠意去接受你的奶奶‧ 但過去了就過去了，沒有新的論點好說，所以再談無益‧ 大家都只是不同而已‧  各自修行吧!

blueprint

「如果你覺得我們以新抱身分和角度在網上論壇討論婆媳相處是不對的,又認為舉例說明等同'講是非」

我覺得 bigtooth 的立場很清楚呀，他不覺得討論婆媳相處是不對的‧Correct me if I'm wrong, bigtooth.  不好的是 ─ 話題變了純粹是發洩而沒有正面的談論等‧這個我很同意‧要不然大家說這個那個不好，好像淪為三姑六婆囉!  都也許沒問題的，但就不要怪誰的奶奶三姑六婆囉!  

[ 本帖最後由 blueprint 於 2008-1-10 21:44 編輯 ]

chunsh

原帖由 華美子 於 2008-1-10 14:50 發表
唔好意思，我唔係講邊個，只係有Ｄ唔係好明，如果呢度有Ｄ老友記叫老友記C9反省下要忍氣吞聲要盛，但係句句都同老友記師奶頂，自己都忍唔到又點解叫人忍？我指既係我之前開個 thread 入面既 case。 ...

好多人都講過大話啦﹐你夠膽話俾我聽你未講過大話
o甘唔通你因為自己講過大話而唔教你個小朋友唔好講大話?

其實大家都係吹水o者
o岩聽o米聽﹐唔o岩聽o米當時運高﹐no eye see lor

不過下下同人頂到o甘恆﹐受害既會係你, 老公同你奶奶---- 大家都係輸家

我見過有o的男人係呢方面好慘﹐o係呀媽心中﹐個男人會係一個老婆奴既不肖子﹐o係
係老婆心中﹐個男人就會係成日幫住呀媽黎"蝦"自己既裙腳仔﹐點解? 因為個男人
會o係呀媽面前幫老婆講好說話﹐而係老婆面前就幫呀媽講講好說話﹐希望大家唔好
o甘敵對o羅。

早前香港有單新聞﹐個男人既老婆同呀媽日吵夜吵﹐最後個男人頂唔順跳樓死左......
大家引以為"監"啦

Yui

原帖由 blueprint 於 2008-1-10 21:42 發表
「如果你覺得我們以新抱身分和角度在網上論壇討論婆媳相處是不對的,又認為舉例說明等同'講是非」

我覺得 bigtooth 的立場很清楚呀，他不覺得討論婆媳相處是不對的‧Correct me if I'm wrong, bigtooth.  不好的是 ─  ...

請不要段章取義阿,我說'如果你覺得我們以新抱身分和角度在網上論壇討論婆媳相處是不對的' - 那是回應post84.

無所謂啦,多講無益. 係師奶八婆又好,係三姑六婆又好,其實大家都係吹水o者o岩聽o米聽﹐唔o岩聽o米當時運高﹐no eye see lor (Quote from chunsh)

[ 本帖最後由 Yui 於 2008-1-10 23:00 編輯 ]

ordinary_girl

for god's sake why don't the guys try to live with their mother-in-laws for a change and see can you handle it